6 days

6 days...that's how many days of student teaching I have left.

6 days...

to teach kids geometry

to put check marks on papers

to help kids solve for 'x'

to be patient and kind to 16 year olds

to tell precious girls they don't have to marry the boy they are dating in high school

to ask kids to take off their hats

to tell kids the f- word is not in the Bible (that happened today!)

6 days...

to have Spanish speaking kids teach me new Spanish words

to have students teach me about how my own lack of obedience transfers into how I don't require obedience from them

to have God teach me that my love needs to be without hypocrisy

to learn that kids can tell when you don't trust them

to learn that students want the benefit of the doubt

to learn that I have a lot to learn.

6 more days with these precious kids that God has allowed me to love on this semester. I hope that I have taught them a little math. I hope that I have helped them feel successful. I hope I have inspired them to work hard. I hope that I have made them believe in themselves. I hope that I have inspired them to think for themselves and to not cheat. I hope I have helped them see that their intelligence is not determined by a grade, but by their attitude. I hope a lot of things...but I might never know.

One of my love languages is words of affirmation. However, this love language often turns into an idol.

I must confess somethings ugly...

I like hearing "good job", I fish for someone to tell me, "you are so amazing", I ache for someone to tell me, "you have made such a difference in my life"

I wish I could tell you I am humble, but I am not. I am on the road to humility. When I say I am on the road, I mean I am standing on a road begging God to make my heart humble, because without Him...I can't. I stand because I am so prideful that I can't even walk towards humility...its such a foreign idea to me that I need His help to even know what that looks like. But as I stand on that road begging....

God gave me student teaching.

Student teaching has been a big answer to that prayer. I teach 81 students. 1 student has told me I am a good teacher. It happened on one day. This whole semester. For a girl who craves words of affirmation...that just isn't going to cut it.

God has challenged me this semester to serve with diligence no matter the words that come my way. God has challenged me to encourage kids even when I feel no encouragement. It has been hard, but oh so good.

God has taught me to love these children unconditionally. I am going to hate to leave. I am going to hate that I won't be the one that tells them to divide by two to solve for x or to make pumpkin triangles for halloween or tell them great job when they finally get it. I don't get to do that anymore.

I will probably cry...I do at most things...maybe not at school, but sometime I will cry. But I will not stop talking to God about them. I will not stop praying for their salvation and blessings for their lives. I will not stop praying for their repentance and freedom from so much. My students live tough lives...they are warriors. I pray that God would save them from their battles.

The beauty of being a Christian is that no matter where God takes you...you are never too far a way to pray for the ones you love. I love my students and I will miss them dearly...

I will enjoy the next 6 days...

The Bicontinential Birthday

disclaimer: I do not like the 3rd "stanza" and this poem is written in Sara's form of free verse...so please don't hate on my humble attempt at writing a poem for this amazing guy!



The Bicontinential Birthday

Today is the day that Ryan Price was born!
23 years ago his mother’s womb was torn (hope that’s not too graphic)
It’s not a birthday like all the rest,
With party hats and cake and a whole lot of mess.
But do not be sad or tell the sky to be gray,
Today Ryan gets to experience the bicontinential birthday!

Two continents of people celebrating your blessed day,
A birthday that does not last only 24 hours, but 31…because of time change!

There’s many that celebrate in America:
Your Mom who gave birth and life to you,
Your Dad who taught you manly things,
This girl, Sara, whose heart you make goo,
And a family of believers, all that sing…

“We miss your pretty piano playing,
We miss your curly hair,
We miss all the dates you were paying (for)
We miss how well you can sit in a chair”

Ryan, on this day we celebrate you,
Knowing that all your new African friends are celebrating too!
I am so jealous that you have two continents of people rejoicing on your special day,
But My only hope is that by this you will know that you are “one krunk guy”…in the words of LeCrae!

...

Hope you enjoyed that little ode to Ryan's birthday. I am not a poet...I just like being silly. Anyways, Ryan's birthday is actually October 24th, but to encompass both time zones...I had to post it now!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!! You're quite a stud!!

If God Sent Text Messages...

If God sent text messages...would they sound like this?

"I just wanted to let you know that I miss you. I can't wait to talk to you soon! Hope your day is going well."

Would they? Would they say, "Sara, that 47 minutes you gave me this morning when you were half asleep weren't enough?", or "I wanted to know every detail of your day and what you thought about it. I wanted to know your struggles and your victories." "Sara, can you tell me what you learned today?" "You are my beloved, I just want to have one of our amazing conversations tonight". He would say all these things not because He has some magic amount of time you need to talk to Him, but because He desires a relationship with you.

These crazy thoughts came into my mind this afternoon when I received a text message from Ryan. I know...Ryan is in Africa and I can still get the occasional text message...technology is amazing! Anyways, for the next two weeks Ryan does not have Internet so we cannot correspond daily. Stinky...but not impossible. I of course miss him. I miss him because I just want to tell him about my day. I want to tell him big things that happened and little things. I wanted to tell him how I had a hard day because I had to discipline a kid. I wanted to tell him so many things, and I wanted to ask him so many questions about what he was experiencing. But I couldn't. So I missed him. And because this was the only communication I have with him, I have bit of a confession to make...

I read the text message 3 times.

It was 3 sentences long and I read it 3 times like it was difficult to comprehend. I acted like I was reading the Iliad or something. I read it 3 times because it was my only way to communicate with him. And then I got to thinking...

Do I read God's word like that? Do we spend too much time getting frustrated that God doesn't audibly speak to us and say, "Be a doctor" when we don't even cherish the word He has given us. God's word is clear, as long as we are in body form, we are separated from the Lord.

"Therefore, always being of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord."

-2 Corinthians 5:6

I am not with God. I may have His Spirit inside of me, but I am not with Him. I don't get to go to Target with Him. I don't get to sit face to face with Him when I talk to Him. I don't get to dance with Him. I don't get to hug Him. We can communicate, but we are separated.

Do I read His text message (the Word) 3 times just so I know everything that He said is written in my heart. Because this is the way He has chosen to communicate with me while we are separated, do I cherish His words? Do I act like David and say,

"Sustain me according to your word, that I may live."

-Psalm 119:16

Do I miss Him when we don't have a lot of time to talk? Do I miss Him when I haven't gotten to read His word?

I am talking Living By the Book from the amazing Rusty Bacaak, and I have been learning a lot about cherishing God's word. (P.S. Everyone should take this class...it's wonderful!!) I want to cherish my time in the word more than my text message from Ryan. I want my soul to groan as I am separated from the Lord like it talks about in 2 Corinthians 5.

The Lord is convicting me a lot and showing me areas where I get more excited about talking to Ryan than talking to the Lord.

Ouch (in the word of Heather Hendrick!)

That hurts...but I have made our relationship an idol before, and I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK!!! I am thankful that God is daily putting a check on my thoughts and emotions and desiring my first "swooning" emotion to be His. (swooning emotion, is that feeling you get when you read a sweet note and you get that little smile on your face and you feel all gushy inside.)

God is the ultimate swooner. He has sent us sweet text messages in the form of a thick book. He has challenged me to let Him be my ultimate swooner. So even though He isn't talking to me via my cell phone, He has written me so many love notes. And I am pretty sure that if you are that crazy about text messages...you could get bible verses texted to your phone. Hey if I can text someone in Africa...I am betting this is possible....so really we have no excuse! Oh the 21st century!

(p.s. here is one of my favorite "make you swoon" (so I don't think swoon is even a word and I have used it like 7 times in this post! Good thing I rebel against grammar rules!) messages from the Lord....

"For your husband is your Maker,

Whose name is the Lord of hosts;

and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,

Who is called the God of all the Earth."

-Isaiah 55:5-6

How Great is Our God!

Today, church was really amazing. God definitely met with me and broke me for the lost that are around me. It was such a sweet time of brokeness. Our pastor just returned from India and challenged us to live with the gospel as our number one priority. I am so thankful to go to a church that speaks truth!

I was reminded of this experience today at church, and actually every time I sing the song "How Great is Our God". It fit well with the topic of missions, but its also just one of my favorite memories of my 22 years here on this earth.

Two summers ago I went to East Asia. I met a girl named Katherine there. She was the asian me! She was so fun and we laughed A LOT!! She said awkward things like, "Sara you shouldn't drink coffee because it makes your "chest area" smaller." Since I love to say awkward stuff like that...we were SO friends!

We also could have serious talks. I was so blessed that God gave me the opportunity and time to share the gospel with her. Actually, we had planned to watch this movie about Jesus' life, because she had wanted to know about Christianity, she was a devout Buddhist, but she was interested in knowing the differences. But the movie didn't work on her computer so then I just got my Bible and got to share the INDEPTH story of Jesus' life.

When I was finished I was so nervous if I had communicated the details well and if she understood. All she did was look at me and say the words I will never forget...

"Sara, the only words I can say is, God is great."

It was beautiful. The Lord had spoken His greatness to her in her apartment through my mixed up crazy words. She didn't believe in that moment, but in that moment she acknowledged His greatness.

That is why that song, "How Great is Our God" means something different to me. It's a call to missions. When I sing the line, "sing with me, How Great is Our God", I think of Katherine and how she was ready to sing about His greatness after hearing about Him. It's a call to go and tell people about Jesus so that they can stand with me in their own language and sing about how great our God is.

Katherine believe in Christ 2 weeks later. She denounced Buddhism, though she had a devout Buddhist family, and she joined the Kingdom of God. She wrote this in her journal the night she believed and shared it with me the next day,

"Jesus is my Lord! Jesus is the sacrificer. He died for us. I accept Jesus! I did evil deeds, and I know I am sinful. But tonigh I am reborn. I feel finding home after 26 years of losing my way."

I will never forget that as long as I live. This beautiful girl will always be a reminder of the greatness of our God.

Peace through Tears

My eyes have been kinda watery lately.

It's just another time when I remember why I do not EVER purchase mascara that is not waterproof.

I’m a crier. I actually love to cry and am really not embarrassed to do it in front of people. But I have to remember that it embarrasses some people. Like this weekend, Ryan and I were at dinner at this adorable little Italian restaurant and this stud of a man that I am so blessed to be dating asked me if there was anything more he could do to make me feel secure in our relationship as he headed off to malawi. WOW...I dont think you even have to be a cry-kinda person to let out tears in that situation. I wanted to hold back tears so I wouldn't embarrass him in public (or put our waiter in an awkward positon), but I am not really good at that.

So I told him, "Just to let you know, I am going to cry. Is that going to embarrass you? Because if so, then maybe we can talk about this later." But he was so amazing, he wasn't embarrassed. He is one incredible guy!

Anyways, the reason tears came into my eyes is that today Ryan leaves for Malawi. He is this amazing guy that has been obedient to the Lord's call. So this means he is not going to be here for 9 months. I am so happy to know this man who is choosing to be obedient, and to fear God more than he fears tears of his girlfriend. It is so exciting!

The most amazing thing in this is that this weekend, every time I cried, it was tears accompanied with peace. Because I am a crier, I know that there are many types of tears.

There are...

tears of joy

tears of heartache

tears of conviction

tears of insecurity

tears of shame

tears of thankfulness

tears of sadness

tears of loneliness

I have known them all. I have spent intimate time with each one of these types of tears, but very rarely do I get to experience tears of sadness accompanied with peace. It’s a peace that allows me to finally stop asking “God what in the heck are you doing?!?” and allows me to say, “God I don’t know what in the heck you are doing, but I know I need it.” I know I need Ryan to go to Malawi. I know that there is not a more perfect way to draw selfishness out of my heart. I know there is not a more perfect way to understand how God felt when He sent HIS son as a missionary into a world where He knew they would beat him and kill him. There is not a more perfect way for God to remind me that this life is not about me.

None of this is easy to learn. None of that makes missing him hurt any less. I cry often. I cry at random times. I cry when I pass by an Acupuncture Sign, knowing that I can no longer call this knowledgable man and ask him “what in the heck do acupunctures do? And why do people pay money for that sort of thing?!?”

…but now when I cry I get to rest. I rest in His arms.

I rest in the peace of Ryan’s obedience. I rest because God has brought Ryan and I SO far in the past year individually and in our relationship. I rest because we finally were humbled to the point to listen to godly counsel and talk openly about the future of our relationship. We finally stopped rebelling and started taking steps toward wisdom.

“You younger men likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.”
-1 Peter 5:5-7

I wouldn’t be able to cry with peace if any one of these things had not happened. Peace only comes with humility through submission and casting my anxieties on the Lord.

I am so thankful for God’s grace to bring me peace through various act of obedience that I had no idea would bring me the peace I find myself in today.

My prayer is and I ask for your prayers that I would not for one day in this 9 months let Satan steal my peace. I will be sad; I will not always have it all together. But God is a God who knows about sadness. However, He is not a daddy that knows of confusion or unrest. So I pray that I will always be crying with peace in Him.

“Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find REST for your souls.”
-Matthew 11: 29

Women and haircuts...

So I have a question that has been welling up inside of me the past few days. A question that I feel needs immediate attention...

Why in the world do women care so much about if someone notices that they got a haircut?

Why is it that every time we go to the hair salon, we come out just hoping desparately that someone will notice?

I don't really care who it is. If the mailman would just say, "hey did you get a haircut?" (even though he has never met me before the haircut day) I would be happy.

Why do EVERY TIME, even when we get an inch off, we expect some male in our life, who by the way is not good at observations anyways, to notice our new hair?!?

I don't expect a boy to notice when I cut my toenails. Why do we set ourselves up for heartache?

I honestly do not understand myself.

This came to mind when I recently got a hair cut. When I left the salon, I was fully satisfied with my hair. It wasn't too short, but the cut definitely took off like 3 inches.

I remember thinking to myself, " Sara, you are perfectly happy leaving the salon...do not hinge your happiness of this haircut based on how many people notice." And yet...with each person I ran into that didnt notice, I got a little more sad, maybe even irritated that no one was noticing.

THIS IS SO STUPID! When I told my mom that I got a haircut, she was like, "oh, I thought your hair looked extra nice!" But of course, that wasn't good enough because I had to tell herthat I got the cut. I wasn't satisfied with the fact that she thought it looked good, I wanted her to notice...dumb, dumb, dumb me!

I didn't really know how much I cared about this until I was in Austin with Ryan's family. His sister, who I have met 3 times, noticed my hair. I was like, "Oh my gosh! You are the first person to notice!" Those words just came out of my mouth like pee when you laugh really hard, it was uncontrollable. So that's when I knew I had a heart issue about this. God says,

"Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." -Matthew 12:34

I wish I could control my overflow a bit better. My mouth sure does flow, exposing so many things I had no idea were in that heart of mine.

Of course as soon as you say, "you are the first person to notice!", you immediately make everyone around you feel bad for not noticing. So basically, this desire is stupid and it hurts people.

So I just had to get this one out there ladies. We have got to give this one up. because even though I can notice when my dad gets a centimeter shaved off his head, I can't get upset when he doesnt notice me. It's not about my hair...wow the more I write on this post, the more I realize how silly this is. Maybe I am the only girl who is feeding this crazy desire...I don't know, but I need some healing! Let's stop the craziness.

Community

Community...ahh, its like a breath of fresh air on a crisp, perfect day in october or april (at least if you live in Texas...those are our weather perfection months where you never want to live anywhere else!)

Community...its like a warm chocolate chip cookie that just came out of the oven and has a little dough left in the center.

Community...its like the most amazing thing...and I have missed it. Don't get me wrong...I have had a WONDERFUL summer at home with my great family. It is nice to be home with my mom and dad who love me so much and are constant reminders of God's unconditional love for me. But there is something about seeing people who are your community... who are your Acts 2 group. People who pray for you, people who know your junk, people who ask how you are doing and want to know what God has taught you this summer, people whose lives are a constant encouragement whether they are older than you or younger than you.

...There is something about sweet hugs from little boys...that makes you just think, "this is what it is all about."

This weekend I got to be home in college station. I got to see my precious hope group families, my sweet mentor/prayer partner/amazing godly woman Liz Amy, and many more precious women and their families that I love so much.

I found myself asking God so many times this weekend..."Why me?" Why did I get to receive this AMAZING blessing of community. Why did I get to be a part of a church that is constantly trying to figure out how to be more like the church talked about in Acts 2:42-47.

I just thank God that though I am undeserving, He is gracious! Living in community with people is one of God's most amazing blessings.

I used to think you didn't need people to increase your intimacy with the Lord. No, I was never one of those people that didnt go to church because I thought I could do it on my own...I LOVE people too much. You see I let the devil tell me the lie that because I desired to live with people so much that it was sinful. Now don't get me wrong, people can become idols...i know that from experience. But I used to believe that if I admitted that my relationship with the Lord was less intimate since I wasn't around a strong community of believers that I was some how admitting that God was not enough to satisfy. That is not true!

God put in us a desire to live in community because it increases our community with Him! (or it should!) This summer I felt the reality of being separated from my body. I didn't like it, but I knew God was calling me to be home this summer. Dallas was not my first choice of locales...but I am so thankful for the time with my family! Though I was surrounded by Eaker love...I felt the separation from my body. I am sure this is how an arm feels that is amputated and separated from its blood supply. It's just not how arms are suppose to be. It's not how we are suppose to be. We are suppose to be CONNECTED!!

I am so thankful that the Lord provided for me to be able to live in college station this semester (and hopefully a few more) so that I could live in community with this AMAZING church body. You see, God had to do big things for me to live in college station. He had to get me enough money that I could rent an apartment, eat, and give to my church so that I would not have to borrow money from my parents. I knew that God did not desire for me to be in debt, and since i am doing student teaching this semester (which pays -$2000...you have to pay tution) God had to hand me the money. So He gave me a great job this summer that allowed me to save money all summer so I could live debt free next semester. He worked out an apartment that is real cheap with an amazing godly girl so that I could not have to borrow one penny! God is so good!

He desires us to live in community and He makes it happen so that we can do so without having to sin!

I am thankful to be home. I am thankful to be with people who humbly try and figure out God's will. I am thankful to be reattached to my body...Praise God for community!

(p.s. these AMAZING pictures were taken by the INCREDIBLE Ryan Price...he has more posted via his blog...you should check them out!)