Some wonderings on Mary and Joseph...

I have some questions about Mary and Joseph. They aren’t nice church questions. They are questions I have because I know that Mary and Joseph were human beings. Questions I have because I know they aren’t those meek smiling little people represented in every nativity scene that we have. They aren’t questions like “How much did you love Joseph when he proposed?”

They are questions like:

Did Mary ever lie and tell someone she wasn’t a virgin?

Did she ever get tired of feeling like a freak when she told someone that an angel appeared to her, so she just told someone she had had sex?

Did Joseph ever in a moment of wanting to feel macho with ‘the guys’ say, “Yeah I knocked up Mary before we were married…she hot, right?”

Did he ever just want to end a conversation quickly so he said he was just doing the ‘right thing’ by not leaving Mary, instead of that he had a dream where an angel of the Lord told him not to leave his fiancé?

These are questions I wonder because I know that Mary and Joseph had to be a lot like me. And although I hate to admit it, I have denied God’s work before.

I’ve had moments where it is cooler to say that I had sinned when I really hadn’t.

I’ve been tired of giving God the credit and having people look at me like I just walked off a UFO, so I’ve told a story in a more “believable” way.

I have been ashamed of amazing things that God has done and ways that He has spoken to me…so when I know someone is not going to respond well…I often just change the story.

I hate writing these things for all the world to see, but they are true.

I wish I could say I did all of these things before having a strong relationship with the Lord…but I can’t. I still mess up. I still deny Him. I still at times choose fearing men over fearing God.

I messed up big time this summer. I had these people at work asking me about my relationship with Ryan and our story in how we got back together. Instead of telling them about all the amazing things God did and how it was so hard, but I clung to the promises of my faithful God…I told them that I trusted Ryan.

I was afraid that they would think I was crazy, so I told them something easier to believe, “that the guy was this wonderful guy worthy of trust.” But as the words came out of my mouth my heart began to ache. I knew I had denied the power of the Lord. I hated myself.

It got me thinking about Mary and Joseph. I began to wonder if they had any moments like that. I have to think that sometimes the weight of what they were experiencing made them say some things they were ashamed of. Now I am not sure.

The Bible gives us no indication that they messed up in that area. So I just get to wonder. I have to know that they made some mistakes…I mean they weren't Jesus, so they had to. And that just gets me thinking about grace.

Christmas is as much about grace as Easter is. Christmas is a story of grace because God used a regular, sinful woman to carry His precious son. He used two people that He knew would mess up and fear men more than they feared God to raise His Son. It’s hard for my “works based” mind to fathom. I so much want to think that Mary and Joseph were these perfect people and that’s why God chose them…

But they weren’t.

Grace. It’s by grace He came. By grace that we can say “O come, o come Emmanuel”. It’s by grace that He chooses to reveal Himself to us. It’s by grace that He uses us to carry out His work. It’s all about grace.

I wish I could know Mary and Joseph. I wish I could sit down and have a cup of coffee and just talk to them about this experience in their life. I want to know where they messed up and where they were victorious. I want to know their hearts.

I know these people in the Bible are so much deeper than we get to see from the passages of scripture. This Christmas I am just dying to get inside Mary's and Joseph's minds. But alas, I am left to my own wonderings...so I will keep on wondering...but I think that's what this season is about, questions. Is this the Messiah? Who is this baby? How did these shepperds know where we were? Is this really the One we have been waiting for? The first Christmas was all about questions.

So maybe I am closer to knowing Mary and Joseph than I think...

I'M BACK!!

Yes, it is true, I am back in America safe and sound. Well, sound would imply that I am in good mental standing...and we are just never sure about that!

I got back Thursday around noon after a wonderful time in Malawi. I could not have asked for a more precious gift this Christmas than getting to spend two amazing weeks with the most incredible man of God I know. Ryan's blog can give you the run down of what we did over those two weeks, so check that out!

Ryan blessed me so greatly by taking me around the country and helping me understand all the things going on there. It was so great to be there and experience things that I either hear about over the phone or read about in his blog.

One of the main things was what Ryan writes about poverty. I think I understand his perspective a little better now. I got the blessing of taking a 2 day trip to a village down south and a couple other village experiences, and what I learned is that those people were not "poor". Now sure, images that I saw looked like they came straight out of a national geographic magazine. People living in huts, cooking their food over a fire, and spending all day outside where it is "cooler" (its hard to say cooler when you are still sweating profusely). But I couldn't see these people as poor. They were living, and living very contently. They weren't begging us to give them money or to give them my tv that I have at home. They were happy to share a meal with us. They were happy to share a smile with us. The more I thought about it the more I realized that poverty is an idea that is birthed from disparity and discontentment.

People who live in the city of Malawi see people that have a lot of stuff. Then when they don't have it, they feel less. They want things, so they beg for them. People in the villages, everyone living together, are content. They aren't poor. Yes, they live on practically no money, but I am sure they would not call themselves poor.

Of course these are my thoughts after spending only 2 weeks in the country, so let me put a disclaimer on them that they are most likely ignorant and undeveloped. However, they are my thoughts and so I wanted to share them.

I definitely wished I could have stayed longer and truly gotten to know the culture better, but alas I had to come back. I had to leave Ryan...let me tell you, it wasn't easy. But I try not to be sad and just focus on the absolute joy that it was to go!

So now that I have finished my serious post for my time in Malawi I wanted to give you a highlight of some of the other moments of my trip.

1. Almost running out of gas and having to buy "petro" (gas) off the black market
2. Having a woman bring a chicken to offering during a church service
3. Huddling together with singing Malawian women during church to stay dry as the rain came pouring in the room.
4. Having Ryan constantly impress me with his amazing cooking from scratch abilities!
5.Buying like 50 tomatoes on the side of the road for a dollar!
6. Eating mangos while swimming at the natural pools at Mt. Mulanje
7. Taking a "bucket shower" while spending the night at a village. (basically this means pouring water over myself to shower)
8. Wearing a skirt almost every day...actually its kinda fun!
9. Walking through the market and hearing people say "sister, sister, come look at my paintings"
10. Getting to talk to Ryan face to face about all that he is experiencing
11. learning to salsa dance...no, no they didn't have this there, I brought a dvd!
12. Trying to say "Muli Bwanje" to local people and them having NO CLUE what i was saying!
13. Spending 14 days with Ryan!!

Loving Malawi

Well...I have now been in Malawi for 5 days...and can I just say, I LOVE IT. I mean a big part of it is that I am getting to spend so much time with Ryan...but another big part is that I just love to be in new cultures! (p.s. Ryan is hard at work right now...so I thought I would take this opportune time to update people I love!)

Well let's start from when I arrived. I got here Wednesday night at 10:00 pm. I got here all in one piece and so did my luggage! Praise the Lord. I was so nervous about traveling all that way by myself, and I really felt the prayers of my brothers and sisters back home! I could not have asked for a smoother travel experience.

When I walked out of the customs room and saw Ryan's smiling face every moment of the 15 hour flight crammed in the middle was worth it!

It was dark that night so I didn't get to see much of Malawi until the next day.

Thursday morning started my tour of Malawi. It is SO beautiful here! It's not really what I expected, get desert Africa out of your mind. It is rainy season so everything is green and lush (I love that word) and mountainous.

We drove around town and then we went to the market to buy some vegetables. It was so nice being with Ryan and letting him handle the buying aspect so I could let the millions of thoughts run through my head.

As we drove up, like 10 kids swarmed our car and asked us if they could carry our vegetables. Ryan got a boy (his name was Medicine) that he had befriended in his previous times to the market to carry our vegetable. I liked how communal the whole experience was. I liked that Ryan already had a relationship with a small boy and the way that he talked to the people selling in the market. It made me want to know them and know their stories. I loved how they smiled as Ryan waved at them and stopped by their booths. I loved how they enjoyed bargaining with him. I loved the man that encouraged some other seller to give us a good price because he liked Ryan. I know that I was walking among people that live on very little money, people that we would have labeled in the west as poor, but that's not really what I was thinking about. I felt like I was suppose to be having this emotional experience where I thought about their poverty, but actually what my mind focused on was that they were people.

These people were wives, mothers, brothers, husbands, fathers, sons, daughters, and friends. These people had lives. They had hurts, struggles, joys, and fears. Just as I have hurts, struggles, joys, and fears. I know I have only been here a couple days, so I am sure the weight of everything that is going on around me has not sunk in, and it may never since I am only here two weeks. However, the more I meet people, the more I see people. I don't really think of how we are different or that in the West I spend more in a day than they do in a month. I really don't know if that thought would help anybody anyways. I just see them as people, and maybe if I just let my thoughts rest there, I can really love them.

After hanging out a few days in Blantyre (the city Ryan lives in) we traveled to a big ol mountain near by. It is called Mt. Mulanje.


Can I just say, God is a stinkin good artist. He creates like no one else. It was beautiful. The mountain was really big and though I wanted to...Ryan said we couldn't climb to the top! (if you believe that I actually wanted to exert strenuous physical activity, you must be new to reading my blog!) We drove up a VERY, VERY bumpy trail in a Pajero...basically a HAUS of a SUV. Ryan is the best standard driver I have ever met. He is my driving hero.

After the car miraculously made it to a certain area, we then hiked a little ways and made it to a beautiful waterfall. It was so beautiful and we were the only ones there! I thought, you know God is smart because I never would have thought that water falling off a cliff would be pretty, but it is. (I don't want you to think that I have never seen waterfall before, I just had this thought this time.) I just had to thank God while we were there for making something so beautiful and then letting us enjoy it.


Later we went down to some natural pools and met some local guys there. It was so cool to build a friendship with these guys just for the hours that we were there. What was cool was that they were willing to talk to us and get to know us. They taught us where it was deep enough to jump off rocks into the water and how to sit under a waterfall. They were unlike people in America who are so individual. When we go somewhere we keep to ourselves and are awkward about talking to people we don't know, these guys weren't like that. Seriously, they became our friends in a matter of minutes. They shared mangos with us and even wanted to give us a bunch without taking anything in return. They were living off the land and sharing what God had provided them.

There are a lot of other cool things these guys taught me, but I will just have to share that when I get back. I got to save something to keep yall talking to me in real life!

Anyways, tomorrow we are heading to a village in southern Malawi. I will get to see the Home Based Care program that is going on there. I am super excited to see what God is doing there through this program.

Well that is the update for now. Thanks for all your prayers! I love you guys and miss you!

Off to Malawi!

In about 36 hours I will be getting on a plane to go to Malawi, Africa! I am so stinkin excited that I could pee in my pants...and since Heather Hendrick said that everyone should experience that...maybe I just will!

I am going to Malawi to visit my boyfriend who has been obedient to God's call to go to Malawi, work with an organization called SIM, share about how Christ has changed his life, and answer God's call to serve the widows and orphans by educating people about HIV. I get to stay with some other girls who are missionaries there, and who I am excited to meet.

I get to be there for 2 weeks. It's incredible. And its all because 9 months ago I decided to shut up and start honoring my parents. You are probably wondering how these two things EVEN connect, but they do!

You see I don't know the future. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or next week or next month. All I know is what is happening currently. Luckily, I know that God does know the future. He sees everything. That means I don't have to. A lot of times I live my life knowing that God knows the future, and yet I act like I have to know things. So I try to plan my life out and figure things out that I CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW. The result is stress and anxiety. Those feelings aren't from the Lord. Jesus said He is a God of peace. Peace means no stress and anxiety.

So like its so dumb that I do this, it's like if you saw someone running down the road next to their car running, but they weren't riding in it...they were running beside it. Even though the car has a motor that makes it run and go places, that person insists on running himself. Now I think running is insane in all circumstance, but if I saw that I would laugh even harder. I would make fun of that person and call them a fool...and that's what we should do when we don't let God be in control. We look like fools.

But I digressed. Anyways, so in God's word it says, "Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord you God gave you." - Exodus 20:12

Not going to lie...that sounds pretty sweet. So 9 months ago God finally got a hold of me and said, "Sara, hush up, and submit already." My mom wanted me to do student teaching and I wanted to take a job in Houston. I was silly, I thought I was ready for a job...I wasn't. God could see the future. God could see that if I did student teaching this fall I would have time off to go to Africa now.

Let me tell you, last March I was not even fathoming going to Malawi. I had told myself, "Sara, face reality, you won't see Ryan for 9 months, and you won't see this place where God will teach him so much and use him so well" I had swallowed that reality alright...especially in March, I mean really it was far away. (Things are easier to grasp when they seem to unreal)

So in my mind I thought I could handle teaching right away and I didn't think there was any reason I would need time off to go travel to Africa. But God had taught me through a mission trip of my own that submitting to my parents is for my protection. So I sucked in my pride and said, "Okay, mom I will do student teaching"

Now I am not going to sit here and tell you I was honoring them with my heart. My words finally honored them but my heart still doubted submission. He convicted me of that and daily He teaches me more and more how my heart can submit more joyfully to my parents. He has taught me the BEAUTIFUL blessings I receive when I humble myself and follow His commands.

He has taught me so much that now I WANT to hear what they have to say. Do I always think they are 100% right?...that they know exactly what God wants for me? No, I don't.

That's why submission takes humility. I have to admit that 1. I don't always know what is best for me and 2. They might make a mistake, they are human. BUT I do know exactly what God wants me to do in all situations...honor my parents. His word is clear about that. Honoring them is what I am required to do. And He blesses that obedience like crazy!! He blessed my student teaching, He blessed me with a stinkin perfect job in the town I wanted to be in, and He HAS BLESSED ME WITH THIS TRIP! He is so full of grace.

So, on Tuesday at 8:30 in the morning I begin my trek to Malawi. I could not be more thankful to be going. I can't wait to see Ryan, I can't wait to see Malawi, I can't wait to meet God's people that He created there, I can't wait to pray for people that I meet, and I can't wait to see God be mighty in another part of the world.

However, my excitement is not without some worry. I know, I am not suppose to do that, so I need prayer. I am scared about traveling all this way by myself. But I remember, God has put this trip in my lap, I believe He has given me this blessing and to worry about it would be like saying I had something to do with me going...I didn't. I don't want to hurt the Lord by worrying about my travel, so pray for me please?

Pray that I would trust God in every moment of my 30 hours of travel. Pray that I would get sleep because my heart would be so at rest in God's control. Pray that things go smoothly and I would continue to be obedient to the Lord even as I travel far away from home. I will miss my church body...and I will be praying for you while I am gone!

I have been blessed...now it is time for me to go and be a blessing!