Some wonderings on Mary and Joseph...

I have some questions about Mary and Joseph. They aren’t nice church questions. They are questions I have because I know that Mary and Joseph were human beings. Questions I have because I know they aren’t those meek smiling little people represented in every nativity scene that we have. They aren’t questions like “How much did you love Joseph when he proposed?”

They are questions like:

Did Mary ever lie and tell someone she wasn’t a virgin?

Did she ever get tired of feeling like a freak when she told someone that an angel appeared to her, so she just told someone she had had sex?

Did Joseph ever in a moment of wanting to feel macho with ‘the guys’ say, “Yeah I knocked up Mary before we were married…she hot, right?”

Did he ever just want to end a conversation quickly so he said he was just doing the ‘right thing’ by not leaving Mary, instead of that he had a dream where an angel of the Lord told him not to leave his fiancé?

These are questions I wonder because I know that Mary and Joseph had to be a lot like me. And although I hate to admit it, I have denied God’s work before.

I’ve had moments where it is cooler to say that I had sinned when I really hadn’t.

I’ve been tired of giving God the credit and having people look at me like I just walked off a UFO, so I’ve told a story in a more “believable” way.

I have been ashamed of amazing things that God has done and ways that He has spoken to me…so when I know someone is not going to respond well…I often just change the story.

I hate writing these things for all the world to see, but they are true.

I wish I could say I did all of these things before having a strong relationship with the Lord…but I can’t. I still mess up. I still deny Him. I still at times choose fearing men over fearing God.

I messed up big time this summer. I had these people at work asking me about my relationship with Ryan and our story in how we got back together. Instead of telling them about all the amazing things God did and how it was so hard, but I clung to the promises of my faithful God…I told them that I trusted Ryan.

I was afraid that they would think I was crazy, so I told them something easier to believe, “that the guy was this wonderful guy worthy of trust.” But as the words came out of my mouth my heart began to ache. I knew I had denied the power of the Lord. I hated myself.

It got me thinking about Mary and Joseph. I began to wonder if they had any moments like that. I have to think that sometimes the weight of what they were experiencing made them say some things they were ashamed of. Now I am not sure.

The Bible gives us no indication that they messed up in that area. So I just get to wonder. I have to know that they made some mistakes…I mean they weren't Jesus, so they had to. And that just gets me thinking about grace.

Christmas is as much about grace as Easter is. Christmas is a story of grace because God used a regular, sinful woman to carry His precious son. He used two people that He knew would mess up and fear men more than they feared God to raise His Son. It’s hard for my “works based” mind to fathom. I so much want to think that Mary and Joseph were these perfect people and that’s why God chose them…

But they weren’t.

Grace. It’s by grace He came. By grace that we can say “O come, o come Emmanuel”. It’s by grace that He chooses to reveal Himself to us. It’s by grace that He uses us to carry out His work. It’s all about grace.

I wish I could know Mary and Joseph. I wish I could sit down and have a cup of coffee and just talk to them about this experience in their life. I want to know where they messed up and where they were victorious. I want to know their hearts.

I know these people in the Bible are so much deeper than we get to see from the passages of scripture. This Christmas I am just dying to get inside Mary's and Joseph's minds. But alas, I am left to my own wonderings...so I will keep on wondering...but I think that's what this season is about, questions. Is this the Messiah? Who is this baby? How did these shepperds know where we were? Is this really the One we have been waiting for? The first Christmas was all about questions.

So maybe I am closer to knowing Mary and Joseph than I think...

I'M BACK!!

Yes, it is true, I am back in America safe and sound. Well, sound would imply that I am in good mental standing...and we are just never sure about that!

I got back Thursday around noon after a wonderful time in Malawi. I could not have asked for a more precious gift this Christmas than getting to spend two amazing weeks with the most incredible man of God I know. Ryan's blog can give you the run down of what we did over those two weeks, so check that out!

Ryan blessed me so greatly by taking me around the country and helping me understand all the things going on there. It was so great to be there and experience things that I either hear about over the phone or read about in his blog.

One of the main things was what Ryan writes about poverty. I think I understand his perspective a little better now. I got the blessing of taking a 2 day trip to a village down south and a couple other village experiences, and what I learned is that those people were not "poor". Now sure, images that I saw looked like they came straight out of a national geographic magazine. People living in huts, cooking their food over a fire, and spending all day outside where it is "cooler" (its hard to say cooler when you are still sweating profusely). But I couldn't see these people as poor. They were living, and living very contently. They weren't begging us to give them money or to give them my tv that I have at home. They were happy to share a meal with us. They were happy to share a smile with us. The more I thought about it the more I realized that poverty is an idea that is birthed from disparity and discontentment.

People who live in the city of Malawi see people that have a lot of stuff. Then when they don't have it, they feel less. They want things, so they beg for them. People in the villages, everyone living together, are content. They aren't poor. Yes, they live on practically no money, but I am sure they would not call themselves poor.

Of course these are my thoughts after spending only 2 weeks in the country, so let me put a disclaimer on them that they are most likely ignorant and undeveloped. However, they are my thoughts and so I wanted to share them.

I definitely wished I could have stayed longer and truly gotten to know the culture better, but alas I had to come back. I had to leave Ryan...let me tell you, it wasn't easy. But I try not to be sad and just focus on the absolute joy that it was to go!

So now that I have finished my serious post for my time in Malawi I wanted to give you a highlight of some of the other moments of my trip.

1. Almost running out of gas and having to buy "petro" (gas) off the black market
2. Having a woman bring a chicken to offering during a church service
3. Huddling together with singing Malawian women during church to stay dry as the rain came pouring in the room.
4. Having Ryan constantly impress me with his amazing cooking from scratch abilities!
5.Buying like 50 tomatoes on the side of the road for a dollar!
6. Eating mangos while swimming at the natural pools at Mt. Mulanje
7. Taking a "bucket shower" while spending the night at a village. (basically this means pouring water over myself to shower)
8. Wearing a skirt almost every day...actually its kinda fun!
9. Walking through the market and hearing people say "sister, sister, come look at my paintings"
10. Getting to talk to Ryan face to face about all that he is experiencing
11. learning to salsa dance...no, no they didn't have this there, I brought a dvd!
12. Trying to say "Muli Bwanje" to local people and them having NO CLUE what i was saying!
13. Spending 14 days with Ryan!!

Loving Malawi

Well...I have now been in Malawi for 5 days...and can I just say, I LOVE IT. I mean a big part of it is that I am getting to spend so much time with Ryan...but another big part is that I just love to be in new cultures! (p.s. Ryan is hard at work right now...so I thought I would take this opportune time to update people I love!)

Well let's start from when I arrived. I got here Wednesday night at 10:00 pm. I got here all in one piece and so did my luggage! Praise the Lord. I was so nervous about traveling all that way by myself, and I really felt the prayers of my brothers and sisters back home! I could not have asked for a smoother travel experience.

When I walked out of the customs room and saw Ryan's smiling face every moment of the 15 hour flight crammed in the middle was worth it!

It was dark that night so I didn't get to see much of Malawi until the next day.

Thursday morning started my tour of Malawi. It is SO beautiful here! It's not really what I expected, get desert Africa out of your mind. It is rainy season so everything is green and lush (I love that word) and mountainous.

We drove around town and then we went to the market to buy some vegetables. It was so nice being with Ryan and letting him handle the buying aspect so I could let the millions of thoughts run through my head.

As we drove up, like 10 kids swarmed our car and asked us if they could carry our vegetables. Ryan got a boy (his name was Medicine) that he had befriended in his previous times to the market to carry our vegetable. I liked how communal the whole experience was. I liked that Ryan already had a relationship with a small boy and the way that he talked to the people selling in the market. It made me want to know them and know their stories. I loved how they smiled as Ryan waved at them and stopped by their booths. I loved how they enjoyed bargaining with him. I loved the man that encouraged some other seller to give us a good price because he liked Ryan. I know that I was walking among people that live on very little money, people that we would have labeled in the west as poor, but that's not really what I was thinking about. I felt like I was suppose to be having this emotional experience where I thought about their poverty, but actually what my mind focused on was that they were people.

These people were wives, mothers, brothers, husbands, fathers, sons, daughters, and friends. These people had lives. They had hurts, struggles, joys, and fears. Just as I have hurts, struggles, joys, and fears. I know I have only been here a couple days, so I am sure the weight of everything that is going on around me has not sunk in, and it may never since I am only here two weeks. However, the more I meet people, the more I see people. I don't really think of how we are different or that in the West I spend more in a day than they do in a month. I really don't know if that thought would help anybody anyways. I just see them as people, and maybe if I just let my thoughts rest there, I can really love them.

After hanging out a few days in Blantyre (the city Ryan lives in) we traveled to a big ol mountain near by. It is called Mt. Mulanje.


Can I just say, God is a stinkin good artist. He creates like no one else. It was beautiful. The mountain was really big and though I wanted to...Ryan said we couldn't climb to the top! (if you believe that I actually wanted to exert strenuous physical activity, you must be new to reading my blog!) We drove up a VERY, VERY bumpy trail in a Pajero...basically a HAUS of a SUV. Ryan is the best standard driver I have ever met. He is my driving hero.

After the car miraculously made it to a certain area, we then hiked a little ways and made it to a beautiful waterfall. It was so beautiful and we were the only ones there! I thought, you know God is smart because I never would have thought that water falling off a cliff would be pretty, but it is. (I don't want you to think that I have never seen waterfall before, I just had this thought this time.) I just had to thank God while we were there for making something so beautiful and then letting us enjoy it.


Later we went down to some natural pools and met some local guys there. It was so cool to build a friendship with these guys just for the hours that we were there. What was cool was that they were willing to talk to us and get to know us. They taught us where it was deep enough to jump off rocks into the water and how to sit under a waterfall. They were unlike people in America who are so individual. When we go somewhere we keep to ourselves and are awkward about talking to people we don't know, these guys weren't like that. Seriously, they became our friends in a matter of minutes. They shared mangos with us and even wanted to give us a bunch without taking anything in return. They were living off the land and sharing what God had provided them.

There are a lot of other cool things these guys taught me, but I will just have to share that when I get back. I got to save something to keep yall talking to me in real life!

Anyways, tomorrow we are heading to a village in southern Malawi. I will get to see the Home Based Care program that is going on there. I am super excited to see what God is doing there through this program.

Well that is the update for now. Thanks for all your prayers! I love you guys and miss you!

Off to Malawi!

In about 36 hours I will be getting on a plane to go to Malawi, Africa! I am so stinkin excited that I could pee in my pants...and since Heather Hendrick said that everyone should experience that...maybe I just will!

I am going to Malawi to visit my boyfriend who has been obedient to God's call to go to Malawi, work with an organization called SIM, share about how Christ has changed his life, and answer God's call to serve the widows and orphans by educating people about HIV. I get to stay with some other girls who are missionaries there, and who I am excited to meet.

I get to be there for 2 weeks. It's incredible. And its all because 9 months ago I decided to shut up and start honoring my parents. You are probably wondering how these two things EVEN connect, but they do!

You see I don't know the future. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or next week or next month. All I know is what is happening currently. Luckily, I know that God does know the future. He sees everything. That means I don't have to. A lot of times I live my life knowing that God knows the future, and yet I act like I have to know things. So I try to plan my life out and figure things out that I CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW. The result is stress and anxiety. Those feelings aren't from the Lord. Jesus said He is a God of peace. Peace means no stress and anxiety.

So like its so dumb that I do this, it's like if you saw someone running down the road next to their car running, but they weren't riding in it...they were running beside it. Even though the car has a motor that makes it run and go places, that person insists on running himself. Now I think running is insane in all circumstance, but if I saw that I would laugh even harder. I would make fun of that person and call them a fool...and that's what we should do when we don't let God be in control. We look like fools.

But I digressed. Anyways, so in God's word it says, "Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord you God gave you." - Exodus 20:12

Not going to lie...that sounds pretty sweet. So 9 months ago God finally got a hold of me and said, "Sara, hush up, and submit already." My mom wanted me to do student teaching and I wanted to take a job in Houston. I was silly, I thought I was ready for a job...I wasn't. God could see the future. God could see that if I did student teaching this fall I would have time off to go to Africa now.

Let me tell you, last March I was not even fathoming going to Malawi. I had told myself, "Sara, face reality, you won't see Ryan for 9 months, and you won't see this place where God will teach him so much and use him so well" I had swallowed that reality alright...especially in March, I mean really it was far away. (Things are easier to grasp when they seem to unreal)

So in my mind I thought I could handle teaching right away and I didn't think there was any reason I would need time off to go travel to Africa. But God had taught me through a mission trip of my own that submitting to my parents is for my protection. So I sucked in my pride and said, "Okay, mom I will do student teaching"

Now I am not going to sit here and tell you I was honoring them with my heart. My words finally honored them but my heart still doubted submission. He convicted me of that and daily He teaches me more and more how my heart can submit more joyfully to my parents. He has taught me the BEAUTIFUL blessings I receive when I humble myself and follow His commands.

He has taught me so much that now I WANT to hear what they have to say. Do I always think they are 100% right?...that they know exactly what God wants for me? No, I don't.

That's why submission takes humility. I have to admit that 1. I don't always know what is best for me and 2. They might make a mistake, they are human. BUT I do know exactly what God wants me to do in all situations...honor my parents. His word is clear about that. Honoring them is what I am required to do. And He blesses that obedience like crazy!! He blessed my student teaching, He blessed me with a stinkin perfect job in the town I wanted to be in, and He HAS BLESSED ME WITH THIS TRIP! He is so full of grace.

So, on Tuesday at 8:30 in the morning I begin my trek to Malawi. I could not be more thankful to be going. I can't wait to see Ryan, I can't wait to see Malawi, I can't wait to meet God's people that He created there, I can't wait to pray for people that I meet, and I can't wait to see God be mighty in another part of the world.

However, my excitement is not without some worry. I know, I am not suppose to do that, so I need prayer. I am scared about traveling all this way by myself. But I remember, God has put this trip in my lap, I believe He has given me this blessing and to worry about it would be like saying I had something to do with me going...I didn't. I don't want to hurt the Lord by worrying about my travel, so pray for me please?

Pray that I would trust God in every moment of my 30 hours of travel. Pray that I would get sleep because my heart would be so at rest in God's control. Pray that things go smoothly and I would continue to be obedient to the Lord even as I travel far away from home. I will miss my church body...and I will be praying for you while I am gone!

I have been blessed...now it is time for me to go and be a blessing!

Boxes

I am moving again.

It's the plight of the young adult. Constantly a vagabond.

In effort to not fall into the sin of complaining I am going to leave out how much I hate moving.

I have SOO much to be thankful for. I am first of all thankful that I need boxes. I need boxes not because I am moving away, but because I am moving across town. God is so good to me.

God wants me to stay in this town. God cares about not ripping me from the body of Living Hope and me having to live transitionally in another town to take a job so I would be honoring my parents. God let me honor my parents and stay here. He wants me here. He cares about our involvement in the body. YAY.

(more on the amazing story of how God provided a job for me when it is no longer confidential.)

So anyways, I need boxes. I need brown pieces of cardboard to put stuff in. I was a loser and I did not pick up boxes when I was at home. So I am asking if anyone would let me have some boxes or point me to the direction of free boxes. Free being the operative word.

Thanks and gig 'em

6 days

6 days...that's how many days of student teaching I have left.

6 days...

to teach kids geometry

to put check marks on papers

to help kids solve for 'x'

to be patient and kind to 16 year olds

to tell precious girls they don't have to marry the boy they are dating in high school

to ask kids to take off their hats

to tell kids the f- word is not in the Bible (that happened today!)

6 days...

to have Spanish speaking kids teach me new Spanish words

to have students teach me about how my own lack of obedience transfers into how I don't require obedience from them

to have God teach me that my love needs to be without hypocrisy

to learn that kids can tell when you don't trust them

to learn that students want the benefit of the doubt

to learn that I have a lot to learn.

6 more days with these precious kids that God has allowed me to love on this semester. I hope that I have taught them a little math. I hope that I have helped them feel successful. I hope I have inspired them to work hard. I hope that I have made them believe in themselves. I hope that I have inspired them to think for themselves and to not cheat. I hope I have helped them see that their intelligence is not determined by a grade, but by their attitude. I hope a lot of things...but I might never know.

One of my love languages is words of affirmation. However, this love language often turns into an idol.

I must confess somethings ugly...

I like hearing "good job", I fish for someone to tell me, "you are so amazing", I ache for someone to tell me, "you have made such a difference in my life"

I wish I could tell you I am humble, but I am not. I am on the road to humility. When I say I am on the road, I mean I am standing on a road begging God to make my heart humble, because without Him...I can't. I stand because I am so prideful that I can't even walk towards humility...its such a foreign idea to me that I need His help to even know what that looks like. But as I stand on that road begging....

God gave me student teaching.

Student teaching has been a big answer to that prayer. I teach 81 students. 1 student has told me I am a good teacher. It happened on one day. This whole semester. For a girl who craves words of affirmation...that just isn't going to cut it.

God has challenged me this semester to serve with diligence no matter the words that come my way. God has challenged me to encourage kids even when I feel no encouragement. It has been hard, but oh so good.

God has taught me to love these children unconditionally. I am going to hate to leave. I am going to hate that I won't be the one that tells them to divide by two to solve for x or to make pumpkin triangles for halloween or tell them great job when they finally get it. I don't get to do that anymore.

I will probably cry...I do at most things...maybe not at school, but sometime I will cry. But I will not stop talking to God about them. I will not stop praying for their salvation and blessings for their lives. I will not stop praying for their repentance and freedom from so much. My students live tough lives...they are warriors. I pray that God would save them from their battles.

The beauty of being a Christian is that no matter where God takes you...you are never too far a way to pray for the ones you love. I love my students and I will miss them dearly...

I will enjoy the next 6 days...

The Bicontinential Birthday

disclaimer: I do not like the 3rd "stanza" and this poem is written in Sara's form of free verse...so please don't hate on my humble attempt at writing a poem for this amazing guy!



The Bicontinential Birthday

Today is the day that Ryan Price was born!
23 years ago his mother’s womb was torn (hope that’s not too graphic)
It’s not a birthday like all the rest,
With party hats and cake and a whole lot of mess.
But do not be sad or tell the sky to be gray,
Today Ryan gets to experience the bicontinential birthday!

Two continents of people celebrating your blessed day,
A birthday that does not last only 24 hours, but 31…because of time change!

There’s many that celebrate in America:
Your Mom who gave birth and life to you,
Your Dad who taught you manly things,
This girl, Sara, whose heart you make goo,
And a family of believers, all that sing…

“We miss your pretty piano playing,
We miss your curly hair,
We miss all the dates you were paying (for)
We miss how well you can sit in a chair”

Ryan, on this day we celebrate you,
Knowing that all your new African friends are celebrating too!
I am so jealous that you have two continents of people rejoicing on your special day,
But My only hope is that by this you will know that you are “one krunk guy”…in the words of LeCrae!

...

Hope you enjoyed that little ode to Ryan's birthday. I am not a poet...I just like being silly. Anyways, Ryan's birthday is actually October 24th, but to encompass both time zones...I had to post it now!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!! You're quite a stud!!

If God Sent Text Messages...

If God sent text messages...would they sound like this?

"I just wanted to let you know that I miss you. I can't wait to talk to you soon! Hope your day is going well."

Would they? Would they say, "Sara, that 47 minutes you gave me this morning when you were half asleep weren't enough?", or "I wanted to know every detail of your day and what you thought about it. I wanted to know your struggles and your victories." "Sara, can you tell me what you learned today?" "You are my beloved, I just want to have one of our amazing conversations tonight". He would say all these things not because He has some magic amount of time you need to talk to Him, but because He desires a relationship with you.

These crazy thoughts came into my mind this afternoon when I received a text message from Ryan. I know...Ryan is in Africa and I can still get the occasional text message...technology is amazing! Anyways, for the next two weeks Ryan does not have Internet so we cannot correspond daily. Stinky...but not impossible. I of course miss him. I miss him because I just want to tell him about my day. I want to tell him big things that happened and little things. I wanted to tell him how I had a hard day because I had to discipline a kid. I wanted to tell him so many things, and I wanted to ask him so many questions about what he was experiencing. But I couldn't. So I missed him. And because this was the only communication I have with him, I have bit of a confession to make...

I read the text message 3 times.

It was 3 sentences long and I read it 3 times like it was difficult to comprehend. I acted like I was reading the Iliad or something. I read it 3 times because it was my only way to communicate with him. And then I got to thinking...

Do I read God's word like that? Do we spend too much time getting frustrated that God doesn't audibly speak to us and say, "Be a doctor" when we don't even cherish the word He has given us. God's word is clear, as long as we are in body form, we are separated from the Lord.

"Therefore, always being of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord."

-2 Corinthians 5:6

I am not with God. I may have His Spirit inside of me, but I am not with Him. I don't get to go to Target with Him. I don't get to sit face to face with Him when I talk to Him. I don't get to dance with Him. I don't get to hug Him. We can communicate, but we are separated.

Do I read His text message (the Word) 3 times just so I know everything that He said is written in my heart. Because this is the way He has chosen to communicate with me while we are separated, do I cherish His words? Do I act like David and say,

"Sustain me according to your word, that I may live."

-Psalm 119:16

Do I miss Him when we don't have a lot of time to talk? Do I miss Him when I haven't gotten to read His word?

I am talking Living By the Book from the amazing Rusty Bacaak, and I have been learning a lot about cherishing God's word. (P.S. Everyone should take this class...it's wonderful!!) I want to cherish my time in the word more than my text message from Ryan. I want my soul to groan as I am separated from the Lord like it talks about in 2 Corinthians 5.

The Lord is convicting me a lot and showing me areas where I get more excited about talking to Ryan than talking to the Lord.

Ouch (in the word of Heather Hendrick!)

That hurts...but I have made our relationship an idol before, and I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK!!! I am thankful that God is daily putting a check on my thoughts and emotions and desiring my first "swooning" emotion to be His. (swooning emotion, is that feeling you get when you read a sweet note and you get that little smile on your face and you feel all gushy inside.)

God is the ultimate swooner. He has sent us sweet text messages in the form of a thick book. He has challenged me to let Him be my ultimate swooner. So even though He isn't talking to me via my cell phone, He has written me so many love notes. And I am pretty sure that if you are that crazy about text messages...you could get bible verses texted to your phone. Hey if I can text someone in Africa...I am betting this is possible....so really we have no excuse! Oh the 21st century!

(p.s. here is one of my favorite "make you swoon" (so I don't think swoon is even a word and I have used it like 7 times in this post! Good thing I rebel against grammar rules!) messages from the Lord....

"For your husband is your Maker,

Whose name is the Lord of hosts;

and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,

Who is called the God of all the Earth."

-Isaiah 55:5-6

How Great is Our God!

Today, church was really amazing. God definitely met with me and broke me for the lost that are around me. It was such a sweet time of brokeness. Our pastor just returned from India and challenged us to live with the gospel as our number one priority. I am so thankful to go to a church that speaks truth!

I was reminded of this experience today at church, and actually every time I sing the song "How Great is Our God". It fit well with the topic of missions, but its also just one of my favorite memories of my 22 years here on this earth.

Two summers ago I went to East Asia. I met a girl named Katherine there. She was the asian me! She was so fun and we laughed A LOT!! She said awkward things like, "Sara you shouldn't drink coffee because it makes your "chest area" smaller." Since I love to say awkward stuff like that...we were SO friends!

We also could have serious talks. I was so blessed that God gave me the opportunity and time to share the gospel with her. Actually, we had planned to watch this movie about Jesus' life, because she had wanted to know about Christianity, she was a devout Buddhist, but she was interested in knowing the differences. But the movie didn't work on her computer so then I just got my Bible and got to share the INDEPTH story of Jesus' life.

When I was finished I was so nervous if I had communicated the details well and if she understood. All she did was look at me and say the words I will never forget...

"Sara, the only words I can say is, God is great."

It was beautiful. The Lord had spoken His greatness to her in her apartment through my mixed up crazy words. She didn't believe in that moment, but in that moment she acknowledged His greatness.

That is why that song, "How Great is Our God" means something different to me. It's a call to missions. When I sing the line, "sing with me, How Great is Our God", I think of Katherine and how she was ready to sing about His greatness after hearing about Him. It's a call to go and tell people about Jesus so that they can stand with me in their own language and sing about how great our God is.

Katherine believe in Christ 2 weeks later. She denounced Buddhism, though she had a devout Buddhist family, and she joined the Kingdom of God. She wrote this in her journal the night she believed and shared it with me the next day,

"Jesus is my Lord! Jesus is the sacrificer. He died for us. I accept Jesus! I did evil deeds, and I know I am sinful. But tonigh I am reborn. I feel finding home after 26 years of losing my way."

I will never forget that as long as I live. This beautiful girl will always be a reminder of the greatness of our God.

Peace through Tears

My eyes have been kinda watery lately.

It's just another time when I remember why I do not EVER purchase mascara that is not waterproof.

I’m a crier. I actually love to cry and am really not embarrassed to do it in front of people. But I have to remember that it embarrasses some people. Like this weekend, Ryan and I were at dinner at this adorable little Italian restaurant and this stud of a man that I am so blessed to be dating asked me if there was anything more he could do to make me feel secure in our relationship as he headed off to malawi. WOW...I dont think you even have to be a cry-kinda person to let out tears in that situation. I wanted to hold back tears so I wouldn't embarrass him in public (or put our waiter in an awkward positon), but I am not really good at that.

So I told him, "Just to let you know, I am going to cry. Is that going to embarrass you? Because if so, then maybe we can talk about this later." But he was so amazing, he wasn't embarrassed. He is one incredible guy!

Anyways, the reason tears came into my eyes is that today Ryan leaves for Malawi. He is this amazing guy that has been obedient to the Lord's call. So this means he is not going to be here for 9 months. I am so happy to know this man who is choosing to be obedient, and to fear God more than he fears tears of his girlfriend. It is so exciting!

The most amazing thing in this is that this weekend, every time I cried, it was tears accompanied with peace. Because I am a crier, I know that there are many types of tears.

There are...

tears of joy

tears of heartache

tears of conviction

tears of insecurity

tears of shame

tears of thankfulness

tears of sadness

tears of loneliness

I have known them all. I have spent intimate time with each one of these types of tears, but very rarely do I get to experience tears of sadness accompanied with peace. It’s a peace that allows me to finally stop asking “God what in the heck are you doing?!?” and allows me to say, “God I don’t know what in the heck you are doing, but I know I need it.” I know I need Ryan to go to Malawi. I know that there is not a more perfect way to draw selfishness out of my heart. I know there is not a more perfect way to understand how God felt when He sent HIS son as a missionary into a world where He knew they would beat him and kill him. There is not a more perfect way for God to remind me that this life is not about me.

None of this is easy to learn. None of that makes missing him hurt any less. I cry often. I cry at random times. I cry when I pass by an Acupuncture Sign, knowing that I can no longer call this knowledgable man and ask him “what in the heck do acupunctures do? And why do people pay money for that sort of thing?!?”

…but now when I cry I get to rest. I rest in His arms.

I rest in the peace of Ryan’s obedience. I rest because God has brought Ryan and I SO far in the past year individually and in our relationship. I rest because we finally were humbled to the point to listen to godly counsel and talk openly about the future of our relationship. We finally stopped rebelling and started taking steps toward wisdom.

“You younger men likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.”
-1 Peter 5:5-7

I wouldn’t be able to cry with peace if any one of these things had not happened. Peace only comes with humility through submission and casting my anxieties on the Lord.

I am so thankful for God’s grace to bring me peace through various act of obedience that I had no idea would bring me the peace I find myself in today.

My prayer is and I ask for your prayers that I would not for one day in this 9 months let Satan steal my peace. I will be sad; I will not always have it all together. But God is a God who knows about sadness. However, He is not a daddy that knows of confusion or unrest. So I pray that I will always be crying with peace in Him.

“Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find REST for your souls.”
-Matthew 11: 29

Women and haircuts...

So I have a question that has been welling up inside of me the past few days. A question that I feel needs immediate attention...

Why in the world do women care so much about if someone notices that they got a haircut?

Why is it that every time we go to the hair salon, we come out just hoping desparately that someone will notice?

I don't really care who it is. If the mailman would just say, "hey did you get a haircut?" (even though he has never met me before the haircut day) I would be happy.

Why do EVERY TIME, even when we get an inch off, we expect some male in our life, who by the way is not good at observations anyways, to notice our new hair?!?

I don't expect a boy to notice when I cut my toenails. Why do we set ourselves up for heartache?

I honestly do not understand myself.

This came to mind when I recently got a hair cut. When I left the salon, I was fully satisfied with my hair. It wasn't too short, but the cut definitely took off like 3 inches.

I remember thinking to myself, " Sara, you are perfectly happy leaving the salon...do not hinge your happiness of this haircut based on how many people notice." And yet...with each person I ran into that didnt notice, I got a little more sad, maybe even irritated that no one was noticing.

THIS IS SO STUPID! When I told my mom that I got a haircut, she was like, "oh, I thought your hair looked extra nice!" But of course, that wasn't good enough because I had to tell herthat I got the cut. I wasn't satisfied with the fact that she thought it looked good, I wanted her to notice...dumb, dumb, dumb me!

I didn't really know how much I cared about this until I was in Austin with Ryan's family. His sister, who I have met 3 times, noticed my hair. I was like, "Oh my gosh! You are the first person to notice!" Those words just came out of my mouth like pee when you laugh really hard, it was uncontrollable. So that's when I knew I had a heart issue about this. God says,

"Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." -Matthew 12:34

I wish I could control my overflow a bit better. My mouth sure does flow, exposing so many things I had no idea were in that heart of mine.

Of course as soon as you say, "you are the first person to notice!", you immediately make everyone around you feel bad for not noticing. So basically, this desire is stupid and it hurts people.

So I just had to get this one out there ladies. We have got to give this one up. because even though I can notice when my dad gets a centimeter shaved off his head, I can't get upset when he doesnt notice me. It's not about my hair...wow the more I write on this post, the more I realize how silly this is. Maybe I am the only girl who is feeding this crazy desire...I don't know, but I need some healing! Let's stop the craziness.

Community

Community...ahh, its like a breath of fresh air on a crisp, perfect day in october or april (at least if you live in Texas...those are our weather perfection months where you never want to live anywhere else!)

Community...its like a warm chocolate chip cookie that just came out of the oven and has a little dough left in the center.

Community...its like the most amazing thing...and I have missed it. Don't get me wrong...I have had a WONDERFUL summer at home with my great family. It is nice to be home with my mom and dad who love me so much and are constant reminders of God's unconditional love for me. But there is something about seeing people who are your community... who are your Acts 2 group. People who pray for you, people who know your junk, people who ask how you are doing and want to know what God has taught you this summer, people whose lives are a constant encouragement whether they are older than you or younger than you.

...There is something about sweet hugs from little boys...that makes you just think, "this is what it is all about."

This weekend I got to be home in college station. I got to see my precious hope group families, my sweet mentor/prayer partner/amazing godly woman Liz Amy, and many more precious women and their families that I love so much.

I found myself asking God so many times this weekend..."Why me?" Why did I get to receive this AMAZING blessing of community. Why did I get to be a part of a church that is constantly trying to figure out how to be more like the church talked about in Acts 2:42-47.

I just thank God that though I am undeserving, He is gracious! Living in community with people is one of God's most amazing blessings.

I used to think you didn't need people to increase your intimacy with the Lord. No, I was never one of those people that didnt go to church because I thought I could do it on my own...I LOVE people too much. You see I let the devil tell me the lie that because I desired to live with people so much that it was sinful. Now don't get me wrong, people can become idols...i know that from experience. But I used to believe that if I admitted that my relationship with the Lord was less intimate since I wasn't around a strong community of believers that I was some how admitting that God was not enough to satisfy. That is not true!

God put in us a desire to live in community because it increases our community with Him! (or it should!) This summer I felt the reality of being separated from my body. I didn't like it, but I knew God was calling me to be home this summer. Dallas was not my first choice of locales...but I am so thankful for the time with my family! Though I was surrounded by Eaker love...I felt the separation from my body. I am sure this is how an arm feels that is amputated and separated from its blood supply. It's just not how arms are suppose to be. It's not how we are suppose to be. We are suppose to be CONNECTED!!

I am so thankful that the Lord provided for me to be able to live in college station this semester (and hopefully a few more) so that I could live in community with this AMAZING church body. You see, God had to do big things for me to live in college station. He had to get me enough money that I could rent an apartment, eat, and give to my church so that I would not have to borrow money from my parents. I knew that God did not desire for me to be in debt, and since i am doing student teaching this semester (which pays -$2000...you have to pay tution) God had to hand me the money. So He gave me a great job this summer that allowed me to save money all summer so I could live debt free next semester. He worked out an apartment that is real cheap with an amazing godly girl so that I could not have to borrow one penny! God is so good!

He desires us to live in community and He makes it happen so that we can do so without having to sin!

I am thankful to be home. I am thankful to be with people who humbly try and figure out God's will. I am thankful to be reattached to my body...Praise God for community!

(p.s. these AMAZING pictures were taken by the INCREDIBLE Ryan Price...he has more posted via his blog...you should check them out!)

The Eye Doctor

Today I went to the eye doctor.

It's not my first experience. I have been going since I was in sixth grade. The first time I went to the eye doctor I almost passed out from the stress. They don't call it an eye EXAM for no reason. It's a stinkin test...and you pay for it! So the first time I went, I SOO didnt want my eyes to be bad. I was so nervous when the lady asked me to read the letters. I didnt want to be wrong. I didnt want to disappoint her.

...But I was wrong. I had to get glasses. That meant I had to keep going to the eye doctor and take this "exam" every year. i thought I was going to get uclers.

So every time I went to the eye doctor a wave of nervousness came over me. I hated hearing that my eyes got worse. I hated putting my eye up to a machine and the lady saying, "don't blink" knowing you were about to get a puff of air in your eye. You see the PURPOSE of blinking is to keep stuff like that out. God designed our eyes so that we would blink in those situations. So basically she is asking you to go against your natural design...its just not right.

But I dont have glacoma...so that is a positive.

Another point of stress is the peripheral vision test. You have to stare at this black square and hit a button every time you see a flicker on the machine. I get so scared that I am going to miss a flicker if I blink and they will think I can see out of my peripheries, so I sit there keeping my eye's plastered open, so they dry out, get blurry and then I get worried that I can't distinguish the blurry from the flicker. I am pretty sure I must have failed this before, but they probably have just not wanted to brake the news to me...

One visit I asked the doctor, "so you know how perfect eyes are 20/20, what are my eyes?" He looked at me and said, "Sara, our machines only measure up to 20/800, meaning that what normal people can read at 800 ft away, you would have to stand 20 ft away...well your eyes are worse than that. We cant really measure where you are at...you are off the charts.

And while being "off the charts" is all well and good when you are talking about IQ, its really not a claim to fame at the eye doctor.

So after that visit i decided I didnt need to worry about reading the letters correctly off the chart.

But for some reason, even though I was basically blind the nurse lady still made me take off my glasses and try to read the chart. She would put one row up on the screen and ask me to say it. I would kindly tell her, "I can't even see letters". Then she would put the biggest thing they had and ask me to read it. In my mind I am thinking "remember now I am trying to basically reading a sign that is 800 feet a way...why is she making me do this!" I am blind! I admit it! Please just dont make me read these letters! So anything she put up there I would tell her, "i am sorry, I cant read that."

...her response..."REALLY?!?" I thought to myself, hey I am putting food on your table with these eyes...I would be a little kinder to them!

But now they don't make me do this anymore. Heck, they don't even let me walk by myself without my glasses anymore. Which is a good thing, because after the nurse led me out of the room today, I almost sat on a man's lap because I couldn't tell that there was someone sitting there until I got right up close to him...whoa it was almost bad!

The one glimer of hope in all of this is my pupils. For some reason, God has giving me supernatural amazing pupils. Some people are star athletes, some people are world-renown cooks, I on the other hand have no-need-to-be-dialated-pupils. According to my doctor, my pupils are so big that he can easily see into my eyes. A couple years ago, he told me I had large pupils so instead of dialating every two years on me, he would do every 3 years. This year as he is looking into my eyes (in a completely unromantic sort of way) he exclaims, "Man your pupils are amazing! I can see so well! I might never need to dialate you again!" so right then I decided that the next time I am sitting in a circle and someone asks the question, "what is on interesting fact about you" I am going to tell them, "i have extremely large pupils." That should be a crowd pleaser!

So aside from the puff of air, the stressful test, and the periphery test that makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out...I learned that I have a unique pupil gift...and that is enough peace of mind to keep me going back to the eye doctor!

God Provides on Highway 45...

So last weekend…(yes I realize this is an outdated post, but my life has been crazy busy since then) I was driving back to Dallas when I hit a really LARGE pot hole! It was horrible! I was talking to my parents on the phone and they heard the noise! Apparently, according to my very wise father, all this rain has been tearing up our roads…another reason we should boycott all the rain we are getting this summer.

So nothing noticeably happened that effected my car's driving performance, but I decided to pull off the road just in case to check it out.

Basically, I started praying right away that nothing was wrong with my tire.

There were two major reasons I did not want my tire to be flat.

First of all…I can barely bench press a loaf of bread let alone get those tire screw thingys off when you have to remove the flat (yep…that IS the technical name for them!)

You see I do technically "know" how to change a tire. My daddy gave me a lesson when I turned 16 so I wouldn’t be one of those helpless little girls on the side of the highway, but unfortunately education cannot remedy the weak muscles of my little body. So alas, I am one of those helpless girls on the side of the highway…(this is why God's provision is so amazing!)

Second, I needed to get home in a timely manner because I was house sitting a person's house that night and it was already late. I needed my tire to be okay.

Alas, when I stopped in a very shady Texaco in who knows where I was, my tire was leaking air. You know it’s a bad sign when you hear a hissing of air leaking out.

The hissing sound was definitely mocking me…probably because it knew there was no way I was going to change that tire.

My first plan of action was to try "fix a flat". This is a lovely can of air that seals holes in your tire. The only problem was that the pot hole had dented the rim of my tire so I was unsure if fix a flat was going to work. But I was so desperate not to have to change my tire I wanted to be extra hopeful.

So I filled up Mr. Hissing Leak and drove about 10 miles down the road. I decided to get off in Corsicana because I knew I would have more options. For those 10 miles I was just praying that God would miraculously hold my tire together for the remainder of my way home.

So I get off the road and turn into a gas station that has a wendy's. If I am going to have to change a tire, I am going to need a frosty to do it! Anyways, just as I turn in I see this guy walking his dog. He is none other than a guy who grew up with me at my church back in carrollton. Not only is he one of the nicest guys I know…he is also an eagle scout. Those boys live for these moments of doing things like changing a tire. I could not believe it! God had brought me a tire changer!! I hopped out of my car and told him, "boy am I glad to see you!" I told him about the tire and sure enough… fix a flat had NOT done its job… it was still hissing…

This time not mocking me, because I had an EAGLE SCOUT in my midst! My friend Colby, just happened to be on his way back to Houston and he was stopping to let his dog out. Praise God that he led both of us to the same exact gas station at the same exact time! The only way that could ever happen is with God being in charge! I just marvel at how completely sovereign God is!! WOW!!

So maybe God didn't miraculously fix my tire with fix a flat, but he miraculously provided me a way home.

God answers prayers…not always exactly what we ask for, but in a way that is INCREDIBLY more amazing than I could have ever imagined.

God provided on highway 45! (it almost rhymes!)

As good as gold…actually better…

So I love my church, Living Hope. I love it because it is filled with members who just PASS out GOLD!!

Now before you people who call yourselves “poor” college students drop everything and make your way down highway 6 to think you are about to get some free money, let me tell you what I am talking about.

“How much better it is to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen above silver.” –Proverbs 16:16

Wisdom is better than gold. Wow. Until this year I didn’t know about this amazing thing called wisdom. I knew that the Bible had wisdom, but I didn’t realize I was missing so much wisdom by not listening to people that had gone before me. I never knew what a rich blessing it was to sit down and listen to the ugly crap people have had to go through because they did not listen to the word of God, and have them look at you in the eye and say, “you don’t have to live in that crap, you don’t have to rebel.”

But until this semester all I wanted to do was rebel. Let me set you straight…I am not an outward rebel. I hate when people yell it me, I hate doing things that will disappoint other people, I hate the feeling of the moment you are caught doing something you shouldn’t. So I try to avoid that by just following the rules. You see I was a quiet rebel…that is why it was so hard for me to discover it!

But there are some areas…where I just didn’t want to take the gold from my elders. Dating, obeying and honoring my parents, gossip, confronting my fellow sisters in sin…I mean the list could go on. When people talked to me about these areas in my life I would spend half the time not listening and thinking of why whatever they were saying didn’t apply to me. But the beauty about my church is that God used bold people to just keep on talking even as I tried to shut them out.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” -Proverbs 1:7

It is foolish to disregard the wisdom of others. FOOLISH! That is a powerful word. But God says that it is better than gold to get wisdom. I am thankful for the class Her Hand and for Heather and Jenn who started me on this process. I am thankful that Aaron posts videos online of people’s testimonies of our church so that as I am away from our body…I can still get this GOLD! I have never been so thankful for the internet!!

I can never repay Butch and Michelle, Eric and Wendy, Heather and Aaron, and Cindy and Ken for getting up in front of our church and telling of the Lord’s power and just handing out that gold to our body. A church that is built on confession and teaching truth is a church that I want to be a part of. Keep being awesome you Titus 2 men and women! You are a blessing!

Automatic Toilets and Preferred stalls...

I realize whoa...I haven't posted in a while and then BAM! TWO posts!

I know, its crazy, but I just had to write more.

So, I work 40 hours a week in a health insurance company. Praise God for this job. It is a blessing that He is providing me money that I can use to live in college station next semester and student teach. I am really excited!

So the thing about this job is that it doesn't require a lot of movement. I sit at a cubical for most of the day...except when I either really have to go to the bathroom or I just get so antsy that I go to the bathroom and try to squeeze any pee out of me that can make the bathroom trip valid.

So in a given day, I probably take 6 trips to the bathroom...that gives me a lot of time to think. You see these bathrooms have automatic toilets. This invention is just funny to me. Why did we decide this was a device we needed to automate. Why didn't we first automate a sandwich maker or a dog poo picker upper...those are two things I would like automated BEFORE I would like to have a toilet automatic.

These toilets just stress me out!! First of all, they either flush too much or not enough. I hate when you are wiping and the toilet flushes...and then flushes again...and you feel bad because we are just now getting out of a drought! What if my 6 bathroom visits push us back into a drought?!? I also think about the children in Ethiopia who don't have enough to drink, and I just wasted another 7 gallons with my automatic toilet! It's very depressing!

Then there is the problem of not flushing when you want them to. There is just something about my waste that I dont want other people looking at it. So I stand there and wave my hand over the little sensor...but nothing happens. So I have to leave my pee...it just stays there and hangs out. So maybe there are enough times that it doesnt flush and people come and plop down on the seat, pee, and then it doesnt flush for them either. I guess I got my 7 gallons back...

But really, toilet inventors...I didnt mind using my foot to push the handle and flush the toilet. I would welcome the chance to lift my leg a little (it would be the most exercise I would have all day!) to make my pee go down with just the right amount of water. I really wouldn't mind at all. I am thinking about writing the toilet makers of America and asking them if they wouldn't mind ending world hunger before making another object automatic that simply doesn't need to be.

Second public bathroom thought:Is it just me or does everyone have a preferred stall or urinal (for the boys) that they use? You see I always go into the second stall...unless I am in the SCC, then for some reason I use the first, I dont really know why I am different there, but I have just always had a weird affinity to the first stall in that bathroom.

Anyways, my preferred stall is the second. I had a theory that everyone used the first stall so the second would be more clean. I am not really sure if that is true...that is part of me wanting to take this poll. I really just love the second stall.

I go in it every one of my six trips to the bathroom daily. Even though this means I have to read the same paper that is on that stall every time.

I checked the other stalls, they have different papers...

but I wont ever get to read them because they aren't in the second stall...

All around the world, I am loyal to my second stall (besides the exception previously discussed) When I was in East Asia last summer, I went in the second stall.

(Picture of a China Toilet)

I don't know what it is...am I alone in my stall preference? Are there others of you out there with stall preferences? I really need to know...I hope I am not alone!

Well that is all...just something to think about the next time you use a public restroom!

This will be the summer of refinement…

First of all, I am sorry I have not posted in a while…I am a slacker, but I was having problems the last couple of days logging on…so that is my recent excuse…no former excuse here…

Task one: Unwholesome Talk

This will be a summer of purification. This will be a summer of refinement. Am I on a mission trip? No. Am I a stranger in an unknown land? No. Am I being pushed out of my comfort zone? No. I am home, living with my family and working 40 hours a week at a health insurance company. And yet I feel like it’s my biggest test yet.

“And I will bring the third part through the fire, Refine them as silver is refined. And test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will answer them: I will say ‘They are my people, and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.” -Zechariah 13:9

For the last four years He has been sculpting me. He has been growing my faith. He has been bringing the dark lies that I believed to light. Last summer He asked me to go spread His gospel to a dark world, East Asia. This summer He asked me to walk through fire, daily, hourly, minutely (I am not real sure if that is a word!)

First thing I learned: my pride isn’t the only thing that is hindering my relationships. One of the most influential verses I learned last year was:

“Pride leads to arguments; those who take advise are wise.” –Proverbs 13:10

Last year, I was having a lot of arguments with my mom and then…He whips out proverbs to show me that is was because of MY pride…but that was last semester. So I come home this summer praying desperately for God to humble me…but He shows me its not just about my pride…

Go figure, my sin is way more complex! When I live in college station, surrounded by the friends I have chosen I feel like a kind, loving person. I am sarcastic about myself and others, but my friends love it…they laugh, I feel good about myself…and yet, it is unwholesome. But I never knew it was unwholesome until May 28th rolled around.

I was camping with my family and I said something about something we had looking like “white trash”. Go figure…that hurt my mom’s feelings. Why shouldn’t it? That is a mean thing to say. However, if I was with my friends they would have laughed it off, knowing that I loved them and I didn’t mean what I said. My mom didn’t laugh it off. She confronted me. As my mom is confronting me, my flesh wants to get upset and say, “geez it was just a joke.” But then the Holy Spirit starts His work in me, and speaks this verse over me,

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
-Ephesians 4:29

Before this moment, I thought my mouth was cleansed of unwholesome talk. I thought that was only concerning sexual and crude jokes…which He had done a lot of changing in me my freshmen year. I thought I was done. I thought I was purified in that area. He said no. He said, “Sara, I am no longer letting you get away with this. I have brought you home this summer to bring you into a very hot fire. I have many areas to show you where thus far your fire has only been lukewarm. Your friends are only a lukewarm fire in the area of unwholesome talk.”

So refinement area one: Unwholesome talk...there isn't a check mark next to this because He's not finished.

Crawfish bowl...

Today I had a new experience...

I attended a crawfish boil. One of my favorite things to do in life is to do something I have never done before. It's like an adrenaline rush. You just never know what it is going to be like.

I like trying new thing with a mixture of people who have done the thing before and people who have also never had the experience before. I like the people that are experts to educate me and make the experience truly educational, and I like the people who are newbies because their facial expressions are priceless.

So today, I went to a crawfish boil. Ryan is 76.56 % Cajun so needless to say, he has been to a few crawfish boils in his life. HE LOVES CRAWFISH. (Which is another thing I like to have when I am experiencing something new: a person who LOVES what you are about to do...i just love when people are passionate about random things)

So this is what I learned from my expert teacher: Right before you boil the crawfish...THEY ARE ALIVE!! I never knew that! I am a city girl and really naive to a lot of these things. Ryan told me this fact so nonchalantly, like he had just said "when you mix red and yellow, you get orange". Anyways, this thought of their way of death HORRIFIED ME! I don't know why this horrified me so, I think its because my greatest fear is to die drowning. Now drowning in boiling hot water is pretty much the worst thing ever. You know when people ask you that question "would you rather burn to death or drown to death" I always say burn...but think drowning in boiling water is kinda like those two methods combined! It has to be horrible for them! Those poor little crawfish...

However, this sad thought of how they die did not keep me from eating them. Let me tell you...those poor little boiled crawmen were tasty!! I LOVED it!

For those who are like me and have never been to a crawfish boil, you need to try it! There is a science to opening a crawfish...Ryan and my friend Juliette, the girl who put on the boil, were very patient teachers! I am not a pro, but i am hoping I will get more practice later!

So during this "opening process" your hands get extremely messy. I enjoy getting messy so I liked this part. There is another benefit to the messy hands that Ryan brought to my attention. He said, "When you are at a crawfish boil, you are all there. If your cell phone rings, you can't answer it because you can't get it out of your pocket or open the phone" Really that is a beautiful thought! There are few things in life that we are all there for. It is wonderful to give your total attention to the group of people you are with. Some days I just want to go back to the life before cell phones...just for a minute...ahh feel the relaxation!!

So with all that being said: great food, messy hands, a great group of people, spending time outdoors, being all there...I give my first crawfish boil an "A plus" and look forward to repeat experiences!!

test Me now in this...

I can't get Malachi 3:10 off my mind...

I know what you are thinking, not the typical verse to have running through your mind. Its kinda like saying I have Leviticus 4:19 on the mind, but really the book is amazing!

You should stop and read it right now if you never have! (its only four chapters, one of those books that makes you feel real accomplished because you can read it in like 20 minutes, and then you are like, hey I just read a whole book of the Bible..in the unboastful sort of way of course!)

Anyways, Malachi 3:10 says "Bring the WHOLE tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this," says the Lord of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven, and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows."

WOW! Did yall know that was in this Book! I feel like God is just constantly putting in front of me pictures of the sacrifices He desires. I emphasized WHOLE because God doesn't want a part of your offering, He wants the whole. He doesn't want part of your life, He wants the whole. God is a total kinda God.

For those of you who were at breakaway the week Ben talked about Cain and Able know that God also desires our sacrifices to be our first fruits. I have been challenged to ask the Lord what are my "first fruits"? He has shown me that praying at night right before I get in bed, after I have checked my email 3 times, made sure I don't have a message on facebook, checked the blogs for new posts, washed my face, brushed my teeth, talked to my roommate, and checked the weather for tomorrow is not my first fruits. When I put Him behind all those frivolous things, that is giving him the wimpy vegetables. I am giving Him the bruised apples. But I have also learned that "first" doesn't mean the first thing you do in a day. I used to try and do my quiet time first thing when I got up...I thought that was my first fruit, but again sleep was conquering me. I was like "Lord...what is wrong, I am trying to sacrifice for you." Then He showed me if I would just take a shower first I would be so ready to meet with Him. My first fruits then were when I was most attentive and awake enough to hear from His Spirit.

Its not just about sacrificing our time...i mean as an extremely wealthy compared to others but think I am "poor" college student I would much rather give God my time than to sacrifice my money. But I think this Malachi verse is specifically talking about our things. I mean it could apply to a multitude of things, but it has really convicted me about money. God says bring the whole tithe into my house and TEST ME...see if I don't provide for you! This is the one time in the Bible God asks us to test Him. He is begging us to just test Him in our giving. We should not be scared to bring the first fruits and whole sacrifice, we should desire to test him in this.

The reason we should not be scared is that God says He will open the windows of heaven and pour out blessing...WHOA...that's a lot better than opening the window at McDonald's drive thru and having them pour out your food on you...God wants to open the windows of heaven! Do we not get to see the windows of heaven because we would rather rely on ourselves and settle for the McDonald windows?

I dont know about yall but I would much rather see the windows of heaven open than this drive thru window open with a woman in a visor reeking of french fries smell asking you if you want ketchup to go with your fries. It just blows me away that our God is a God would desires to open up blessing for us. He does not ask us to give of these sacrifices so we can be empty handed and live without. He is desperately crying out to us to test Him to see the kind of blessings we can only see when we give in such a way that we cant rely on ourselves to provide. I know I have a lot to learn about sacrifice. I am still holding on to part...I have a hard time giving the whole, I still give Him the extra fruit I have lying around, but God is at work. And I hope to one day live in the freedom of constant dependence on Him testing Him in my giving. He is worthy of that test...

My Spring Break Highlights!

So here are my amazing spring break highlights in a somewhat sequential order...

1. Watching the Lord paint a beautiful sunset over Lake Travis in Austin with 3 great friends.

2. Getting peer pressured by my typically low maintenance sister to get my eyebrows waxed with her for the first time.

3. Watching a dear family friend, who I like to call my cousin, marry his beautiful bride.

4. Having amazing car conversations on the road to and from Vidor, Texas

5. Experiencing Vidor, Texas in the daylight (I had only been there at night before!)

6. Taking a swim at night in the cold gulf in Florida...which was as I liked to say, "strangely exhilarating"

7. Sitting outside on a BEAUTIFUL white sand beach with a good book and great company

8. Getting really sunburned, but not really tan at all...

9. Riding the waves on a boogie board...i just love to boogie down!

10. Drinking crisp limeade on the porch overlooking the DEEP blue ocean and listening to the crashing waves.

11. Walking up and down the beach trying to avoid "jellies" (which for those of you who do not think like me that is what I call jelly fish...ryan is so cute he was like, "I have never heard them called "jellies" before, rather than saying, "you are a freak...no one calls them jellies!)

12. Getting 2 holes in one on a really fun put-put golf course

13. Stopping in New Orleans on none other than St. Patrick's Day...enough said on that one!

14. Stopping at Mulats (a restaurant in Louisiana) and getting a TRUE Cajun experience right down from the pecan pie to dancing (sorta) to the Zydeco music!

15. Back in Vidor...eating a bowl of raisin bran looking out into the beautiful vidorian woods and listening to Ryan play the piano...it was pretty much perfect!

15. Peering through binoculars to watch Eagles...no not the band, our national bird, with a bunch of vidor locals.

16. Witnessing a bunch of people be obedient to the Lord and get baptized!

Yep that is only 16 of the amazing things the Lord allowed me to experience this spring break. Oh Praise Him!

(p.s. unfortunately i do not have my cord to transfer pictures from my camera to my computer, so i cannot post any pictures, but you can always give Ryan's facebook a gander if you want to see the visual representation of much of my spring break!)