Breaking Point...

A week and a half ago I met my breaking point.

I didn't know he was there inside of me. But we were introduced on Wednesday, February 27th.

I didn't wake up that morning knowing that I would meet him...he just snuck up on me. When he stuck out his hand to introduce himself he took my composure, my patience, my smile, and my feeling of "I can do this".

A week and a half ago, God reminded me that I am human.

I "teach high school geometry"...that is my job title. That is what Bryan ISD tells the state I do and they give me a pay check twice a month for doing it. However, that is just a cover. My real job is that I am a person motivated by the love of Christ to love high school kids in hopes that they encounter Jesus in me.

I like to think that I am an undercover cop. It makes my job more exciting.

But like I said, I hit my breaking point about 2 weeks ago.

It wasn't one thing that broke me...it was a myriad of things. The disobedience I encounter on a daily basis was just too much on that Wednesday. I couldn't handle one more teenager ignoring my simple requests. I couldn't be patient as one more student refused to sit in their assigned seat. I couldn't handle one more student talking while I was talking. I couldn't handle one more attitude or an under the breath comment like, "I hate you" or a not so under the breath comment, "aww miss, you are annoying me!"

I broke down and cried after 3rd period...that's right, I am not ashamed to admit it, I cried. But not in front of the kids. By the end of 6th period, I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I just broke.

The day was hard. I was weary. I went home right after school and just cried with my roommates. That is when it hit me...

God doesn't have a breaking point. He was gracious to show me that all the disobedience I have experienced over the past 2 months...

He has seen it since the creation of man. He has seen people read His commands and ignore His simple requests. He has spoken truth to people only to get people talking right over Him, so they can't hear him. He has heard the most hurtful insults...He knows the insults that haven't even been spoken, and yet...

He does not break.

"Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom. "

-Isaiah 40:28

God reminded me, by breaking me, just how strong He is. God reminded me that as my love wears out, His never does. God reminded me that even as a youth, I will grow weary. He reminded me that He is my only source of power and strength. He showed me how deeply He loves us, even though we are disobedient.

I think I understand a little better why God would destroy whole cities for their disobedience. I think I understand a little better why His son had to come and get nails pushed through His skin. Disobedience causes pain. It is not just disappointing...it is devastating.

Last Wednesday I was broken and empty. I had nothing left to give...and yet the hope I held on to is that I know a God who will never meet His breaking point, because it simply doesn't exist. He is everlasting.

His love is amazing. I know I cannot fathom it and I will probably never understand the great deepness of His love. However, my prayer is that as each time He pushes me to love harder and deeper and at each new breaking point, I will get a little closer to understanding just how far He goes to love us.