Sara Groves has this really great song called, "Painting Pictures of Egypt" the chours goes like this:
"I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
leaving out what it lacked,
the future feels so hard, and I wanna go back,
but the places that used to fit me,
cannot hold the things I've learned,
and those roads are closed off too me while my back was turned."
This song resonnates in my soul. I am guilty of singing this tune too often in my life. I am always wishing I was somewhere else in life. I am like those silly Israelites that yearned for Egypt...the very thing they prayed for God to deliever them from.
That is me. I am guilty. The future feels so hard, and I wanna go back. This semester I started real life. You know that thing that you spend 4 solid years telling people you are going to do when you finish college...I am doing it.
Actually, I have been telling people that I am going to be a math teacher for like 6 years. Now I am a math teacher. Yeah...like a real life person with a paycheck and insurance and all that stuff. I have life insurance. gulp! seriously, I feel old.
While I was in college I longed for the days of no tests and no difficult math proofs. I longed to do something I cared about and something that mattered. I was so ready to graduate last may. but now...often I find myself painting pictures of the past...
(of course I mean that figuratively because have no artistic ability)
I find myself wanting to stay up late and take afternoon naps, I want to have a flexible schedule. I want free time. I know you college students are reading this thinking you have no free time...but it isn't true. If you can go to the grocery store between the hours of 8-5..you have free time.
So I have a problem. Its a huge problem. It is called discontentment...and it is not okay. I have to fight the thoughts inside of me that "if I could just be there...then it would be easier." I have to fight the thoughts of "I wish I was her...she has it good". I am discontent. That is not pleasing to the Lord.
"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."
-1 Timothy 6:6-8
Godliness with contentment is great gain...wow. That is a verse I could sit on for a long time. I want to know that great gain. Then I love how verse 8 says, if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that...we will.
Not: we should or you better be or we might be, but WE WILL. God is telling us to be content all we need is food and clothing.
I have food.
I have clothing.
God's word says I will be content. Thus I am living a lie by not being content. I need to live by truth.
I need to start painting pictures of Bryan High because this is where I am, and I am not going back.
9 comments:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:11-13
I am praying this for you.
YOU too can do everything through him who gives YOU strength.
God is moving you, growing you and teaching you and the Sara Eaker I know will embrace it...even if it is hard, because He is worthy and I know it is your hearts desire to please Him.
I love you sweet girl.
mm. love you sara eaker. i'm sorry that i haven't called to check on your more often.
i want to grocery shop for you if you give me your list.
Would you like to be Sara Groves or her sister Juliet. Sara is getting better and better with each new CD. And now she has a brain new baby as does her sister Katie. As for Julie, she has two boys about the same age as Sara. And Julie (Juliet), she has a debilitating illness that is robbing her of strength. Sara lamented openly for Julie at a recent concert.
oh how i love sara eaker!!! and i miss you most definitely. i'm praying for you and for those kids of yours at Bryan High...sometimes I laugh at myself because I think the hardest part of Scripture is when God uses the word "continue." Sometimes (like you so wonderfully put) I just want to go back. But praise the Lord that he is moving and changing us to be more like Him! Let's definitely chat when i get back to cstat.
Such a great post Sara, thank you for sharing your heart. I can relate to you all too well. Except with me, I am painting pictures of the future. This leads to just as much discontentment as well.
Why can we not be content in the here and now, why is that such a struggle?
I will remember you in my prayers as I pray the same thing for myself.
We should really hang out sometime Sara- instead of just seeing each other when it involves the beautiful Amy's! lol.
Love and prayers,
Meg
Meghan...we should totally hang out...and Ryan told me that when you all get back from Zambia this summer, we should all be good friends, because he will need an african culture refresher! I will be praying for you too!
Jenn- I laughed out loud...thanks for offering to do my grocery shopping...you so are so cute!
So true... we are never content where we are. Thanks for the honesty.
I think it's funny how fickle we are as humans. I have thought a lot lately how much we pray and pray for something, God shows up in a great way and provides... and within weeks, we forget what he has done and start complaining again.
We are so much like the Israelites is so many ways. We want what is comfortable. We are always finding ways to doubt God, despite the obvious things He does in our lives.
girl, thank you so much for always speaking truth....i am always so challenged when i read your blog and it always seems to be just what i need to read. I love you sister and value you so much. This was just what i needed to hear today...thank you!
Thanks for your honesty. I too know this road all too well. I've just had to learn to be thankful in everything and at all times. The more I put on thankfulness the less discontentment there is.
I'm with Megan I'd love to hang out with you sometime.
Have a great day!
Erin
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