School's Out for Summer...Reflections on My First Year

Well, I have been out of school for officially one week! I am not going to lie...I am loving it. Maybe in a month, I will get tired of being free and living the good life, but for now I am enjoying it!

This year was tough, amazing, challenging, encouraging, and exciting all wrapped into one. I learned a lot of things as God took my "this is what I am going to do after graduation" spiel and fleshed it out into my reality.

It is a little bit nerve wracking when you spend 5 years of your life talking about what you are going to do, and then meeting that moment where you stop talking about it and start doing it. You spend 5 years dreaming about your life after you graduate from college only to find, that for the first 4 months of it, all you can do it wish you were back in college! But by the time April hit, I pretty much settled with the reality that I will wake up, teach kids, grade papers, have 3-4 hours of free time, and then do it all over again the next day. I was thankful that the Lord allowed me to adjust to my new stage in life.

If I had to sum up my first year in one word, I think it would be...HUMILITY.

I was humbled by...

not being good at consistent discipline

not being able to teach and communicate some math concepts

not always having truth on my tongue

not always knowing what to say when a student tells me about a difficult situation

not always loving my students the way they needed to be loved

not always speaking kindly to my students

not always being patient and quick to forgive

and realizing that many days I tried to teach and train students in my own strength rather than relying on my Heavenly Father.

But that last one is really what I think the definition of humility is...God reminding us by little things in life, "psst...hey...Sara...you are human...you are limited...you can't do these things without me...they are impossible."

Even though I would wake up every morning and pray for my day that was ahead of me, many times I would close my Bible and journal and function as if that prayer and scripture were meaningless. Usually...those were my worst days.

Often my best days were the mornings that I would wake up, have no energy, no joy, no love for my students, and beg God to do a miracle in my heart. He was always faithful. He never let me give up.

This year was really interesting. I met a lot of people that were WAY different than me. I taught kids who went to a different high school than I did. I am not just talking about the name on the building...I am talking about the high school experience. I taught a hundred kids this year, 5 of my kids were either pregnant themselves or were father's of recently pregnant girls. I taught girls that already had 1-2 kids. I had girls talk to me about their boyfriend's that were in jail. I had girls talk to me about suicide. I didn't deal with this stuff when I was in high school...heck some of them were dealing with things I have still YET to experience. All of these situations made me question why I was the teacher standing before them. I questioned why I was the one God put as the ear to these conversations.

If I am real honest with you...I still don't know.

I wish I could say, I know exactly what God was doing and I could see how he was pursuing each of these students through me...but I can't say that.

Most of the time I had to teach them math, and there were not a lot of opportunities for me to point blank speak God's truth to them.

There were times I felt disregarded because I was white. I was ridiculed for wearing "white" clothes (i.e. things from Gap). I kept asking God, why me? Why did you call me here? They don't want to listen to me, they don't trust me...someone else would be more effective.

Honestly, I still ask these questions...I am still humbled...humbled by the fact that because I am human, I might not get to know all the answers. I might never get to understand what is going on. But I am thankful for God's promise of another year to do it all over again.

I can't really explain why I have the drive to come back another year apart from the hope of God and apart from the privilege of knowing teenagers I would never know apart from this job, teenagers that God cares very deeply for.

Maybe you thought this post would be all the wisdom I have learned and all I have seen God do in the last semester...but it isn't. It is a post about the journey of humility and about being on the road as His follower, one who FOLLOWS, and being excited that I know not what that means...

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
-Hebrews 11:1

Nothing But Smiles...

This is what my face has looked like for the past 36 hours. Yep...even when I am sleeping. Though it is not the most flattering picture of me, I think it best represents what I have been feeling.

Ryan has returned from Malawi! It has been a great time of talking (me in my man voice because I have a cold), laughing, and even some dancing (because we went to a wedding yesterday!!)

Ryan has adjusted well to the time change. He has been sleeping through the night...like a big boy...sorry I just couldn't resist, as soon as I wrote that it sounded like I was talking about a newborn baby!

I am so glad to have him home...if this picture doesn't tell you all the emotions I am feeling then I don't know what else will!

God has been so faithful! I will write more about it later, but right now i am going to go enjoy the fact that I can talk face to face with my amazing boyfriend!

One Week...7 days...

That is right...7 days. Ryan will be home in exactly 7 days! I am so pumped. I have been enjoying my count down for the last 16 days! You see, I did not allow myself to count down the days until Ryan got home until the month of May. I did not want this 9 month trip in Malawi to be "counted down" in a sense. I wanted to be thankful that he was there. I wanted to enjoy hearing stories and knowing about Malawi on a deeper level than I would if Ryan didn't go.

So I haven't been counting. I figured once May happened it would be pretty much impossible for a numbers girl like me not to know how many days it was until he got home. I mean when it is the 3rd of may...of course he is coming home in 20 days. My mind would not be able to write the date without doing that simple calculation. So here I am...7 days away from him coming home.

Sometimes I just can't wrap my mind around the thought that he is coming home, and other times when I am going some where like watching my students in a choir concert and I have to leave early and walk a long way to my car in the dark...I just wish he was already home. You know girls are freaks because we just can't walk any where in the night without looking over our shoulder constantly and when we unlock our doors checking in the back seat before we get in. I want Ryan to come home because always looking over my shoulder for an attacker gives me a crick in my neck!

My students at Bryan High also have been counting down with me. They constantly ask me when "my man" is coming home. The new phrase they started on Thursday was, "your baby's daddy", which I had to quickly inform them that Ryan was NOT my baby's daddy...I didn't have any babies. To which their reply was..."well when he gets home then you can have some babies", to which I quickly, awkwardly said, "that is not going to be happening until we get married!" Teenagers say the craziest things!

But my favorite thing that happened on Thursday was that I was passing out the homework and one girl just said to me, "you got 8 days Ms. Eaker". Like we weren't even talking about Ryan. I was a little confused at first, but then I realized she was talking about Ryan coming home. I was like, how do you remember that! They can't remember 12 + 4 is 16, but they know how soon "my man" is coming home!! It made me laugh...and then feel a little special because I know they care about me.

7 days until I get to hear his voice and see his face at the same time, 7 days until I get to see his smile and give him a big hug, 7 days until I get to have long conversations with him without a delay or saying, "wait, it cut out, what did you say", 7 days until I get to hear him play beautiful piano music (well...he probably won't be doing that the FIRST night he comes home, but it sounds better), 7 days until I get to ride around with him and close my eyes because he always knows how to get places and I never have to worry about getting lost, 7 days until I get Ryan back!!

Alright, well that might have been too much for all of y'all, but I just wanted to share my excitement! Unfortunately, for most of you who read this, he will not be back in college station for a bit, so your count down isn't 7 days! Sorry! But I know we are all ready to hear his fingers play wonderful piano music...and he will be back to do that real soon!

May 23rd here I come!!

Divorce Rings

So today I was giving the ever pleasant TAKS test...so I actually had time to read the newspaper.


I read about the new developments in the CPS case versus the polygamists Mormon ranch in San Angelo, I read about bone chips found that could be the missing Prince Alexius from the Romanov family, and I read the always enjoyable comics.


Then I fell upon an article that was truly disturbing...


"Divorce Rings".




Yep, that's right, American jewelers are now marketing a ring to celebrate America's new favorite pastime, divorce.



Seriously, I think my blood pressure rose about 100 points (or whatever the units of blood pressure is) when I read this article. At first I thought this ring was so that people could be like WHOO HOO!! I got a divorce! That made me really angry, but the more I read I realized that was not what it was about. But in actuality, the more I learned and the more disturbed I got.

It turns out that the ring was first created by a woman who had been through a divorce and wanted a ring to signify her survival admits the deep pain of divorce. She wanted a ring to remind people there is hope.

Now I am all about hope. I love hope. I think every person has hope in every situation, but I only believe that because I believe Jesus Christ is our only hope and he came for everyone in every situation.



But this whole thing just shouldn't exist. God NEVER designed marriage to look this way. God never designed us to have to deal with the agony of a broken marriage. Marriage is suppose to look like Him and how He loves the church.



If you visit this website you will see that the first thing they did for every ring was break the symbol of the never ending circle. Marriage is symbolized by a ring because the bond was not designed to be broken. God did not design us to enter the intimate bond of marriage and then just break the bond whenever things got tough. That is not how His love is and it is not how we are suppose to represent his love through marriage. Divorce is painful and horrible because God never designed it to happen.



These people are JOKING themselves if they think that their ring can help "build self-esteem one person at a time", which is the company motto. The only thing that can build us up admits this kind of deep pain is the love from a father that is never ending.



It pains me that God has been so removed from marriage that we can think that we as people can put back the pieces of a devastating event on our own, through building self esteem.



It devastates me that these rings even have to exist. It pains me that 50% of people who say "I do" will know a some point the pain of "oh no, wait, I don't". It pains me that Christians will know this pain in the same rate that lost people do because our marriages look no different.



Seriously, this is one of the craziest things I have ever heard of! What do y'all think? Did you know these existed?



p.s. I am sorry that I have been such a blog slacker. I have a bimonthly blog updating goal, but I have failed april. April went by without a flash...

A little bit closer to Africa...

But, I am still 12,000 miles away. I didn't get any physically closer to Malawi...but Malawi got a little closer to me!

See my skirt? Isn't it beautiful?!? My studly boyfriend who is in Malawi stinkin HAD IT MADE FOR ME!! His lovely parents just brought it back with them. I just need to say...I am so blessed!

This amazing man picked the fabric out himself and had a wonderful Malawian woman make me a skirt! Who does that! Ryan Price...that is who!

This biggest miracle in all of this is that even though the lady did not have any measurements for me, the skirt still fits perfectly. Alright girls, let me get a witness...how hard is it for find FITTED clothes that fit you perfectly...so hard! I am telling you, I think something miraculous happened as this skirt traveled across the Atlantic ocean.

I love my skirt. This morning when I was getting ready for church, I just was giddy because I knew I was about to put it on. It makes me feel like Ryan is not so far away.

And on May 23rd, Ryan won't be far away anymore. That's right...in less than 2 months I can see him when I talk to him, I can call him at any time when I need directions somewhere, I can call him and ask him dumb questions like what does an acupunture do?, I can go grocery shopping with him, I can hear his fingers make beautiful piano music, and I can listen to all the things that go on in his heart. I can't wait.

I can't believe that God has already carried us through 7 months of separation and unified us all the while. I thought we would have some point that was really hard and I would feel really distant from him and I would doubt that this could even work...but it didn't happen.

Of course, I have missed him. I have had days that he doesn't seem real. I have had days that I just thought I couldn't make it one more day without hearing his voice. But those feelings usually only lasted a day or two. God always took care of me and constantly reminded me that He brought us together, and He would sustain us.

In the months before he left for Malawi, I just couldn't imagine how I was going to make it. When I would worry about it, God would just draw me to prayer. One thing he laid on my heart to pray was,

"God make this this sweetest part of our dating relationship." The first time I spoke those words, I laughed a little to myself. I thought, how in the world am I going to get to say this after 9 months of not seeing this amazing man? Am I really going to be able to tell people that this was the SWEETEST part of our dating relationship. But I will tell you...God has been faithful.

One thing that has always been a struggle for me in our relationship is being verbally affirmed. I don't know if any other girl out there has ever struggled with this...but I wanted to hear good things about me all the time.

I know, that sounds icky.

We don't like to say that outloud.

We like to mask this desire by saying, "my love language is words of affirmation", but what we really mean is, please tell me how amazing you think I am...I won't be happy until I hear that.

The most major thing God has freed me from during this time is verbal affirmation. In my mind, I thought this would maybe be the sweetest time because it would force Ryan to say everything outloud to me. I was getting ready to be verbally affirmed for 9 months.

Well, God had different plans for me. God started revealing a lot of sin and insecurity I had in my heart around October. He showed me that this need for Ryan to tell me how much he valued me came from my insecurity of wondering how much he liked me. I didn't trust God for that security. So as I was constantly asking Ryan to affirm me, it was never enough. God kept working on me, finally in December He slapped me in the face and showed me that the bottom line is that I feared man's approval about God's. He showed me how that made me foolish. And he showed me how destructive it was on my relationships in my life.

Finally, as I laid on my floor crying to the Lord, I told Him that I could not free myself from this. I needed the Lord's help. Of course there were some things I HAD to do. I had to be really honest with Ryan and with other people in my life that I was seeking affirmation from. I had to evaluate every email I sent Ryan and ask myself, "am I saying this self deprecating thing in hopes that he will reply back with some affirming thing?"

Women...we are master manipulators, and unless we are honest, we cannot be freed from manipulation. I think this may be one of the single hardest sins to find freedom from, because often our sisters cannot see it to call us out on it. It is all in our minds!

God was so good to bring freedom. Then everything Ryan ever said to me became 100 times sweeter because I didn't have this attitude of "oh good, he said exactly what I wanted him to say" or hurt of why hadn't he said this more often.

I had no idea that this was God's plan of how he was going to make this the sweetest part of our dating relationship. But what I love is that this was a WAY better way to answer that prayer, than what I had in mind. His ways are so much higher, and so much sweeter.

This is not the only thing that has made this time really sweet. Here is a quick list of a few:

1. Pretty much every morning (given his internet is functioning properly) I have an email in my inbox. Most people who wake up at 5:30 don't have emails in the inbox, but that is the beauty of Malawi being 7 hours ahead of us!
2.I have an Africa skirt...enough said.
3. I got to stinkin go to Africa...I mean that has always been a dream of mine, so pretty amazing that it has already come true.
4. All the physical temptation crap, is completey not an issue.
5. Just getting to hear his voice means so much more now. I hope for as long as I live, I will never take for granted getting to hear the sound of his voice.
6. God has taught me to trust Him and not circumstances to be the unifier of our hearts.

Now girls, I am not suggesting that you ship your boyfriends off to a far away land...and I hope Ryan doesn't think that just because it has been the sweetest time of our relationship thus far that I am not ready for him to come home...because I am...but I am thankful for the way the Lord has used this time.

And if you don't believe me about how much I miss him... here is some more evidence...



This is my humble attempted at spelling Ryan's name out...and just one more chance to show my skirt off!

Anyways, yay for African skirts and God's faithfulness. That is good stuff...and Ryan, I can't wait to show you the skirt in person!!

Breaking Point...

A week and a half ago I met my breaking point.

I didn't know he was there inside of me. But we were introduced on Wednesday, February 27th.

I didn't wake up that morning knowing that I would meet him...he just snuck up on me. When he stuck out his hand to introduce himself he took my composure, my patience, my smile, and my feeling of "I can do this".

A week and a half ago, God reminded me that I am human.

I "teach high school geometry"...that is my job title. That is what Bryan ISD tells the state I do and they give me a pay check twice a month for doing it. However, that is just a cover. My real job is that I am a person motivated by the love of Christ to love high school kids in hopes that they encounter Jesus in me.

I like to think that I am an undercover cop. It makes my job more exciting.

But like I said, I hit my breaking point about 2 weeks ago.

It wasn't one thing that broke me...it was a myriad of things. The disobedience I encounter on a daily basis was just too much on that Wednesday. I couldn't handle one more teenager ignoring my simple requests. I couldn't be patient as one more student refused to sit in their assigned seat. I couldn't handle one more student talking while I was talking. I couldn't handle one more attitude or an under the breath comment like, "I hate you" or a not so under the breath comment, "aww miss, you are annoying me!"

I broke down and cried after 3rd period...that's right, I am not ashamed to admit it, I cried. But not in front of the kids. By the end of 6th period, I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I just broke.

The day was hard. I was weary. I went home right after school and just cried with my roommates. That is when it hit me...

God doesn't have a breaking point. He was gracious to show me that all the disobedience I have experienced over the past 2 months...

He has seen it since the creation of man. He has seen people read His commands and ignore His simple requests. He has spoken truth to people only to get people talking right over Him, so they can't hear him. He has heard the most hurtful insults...He knows the insults that haven't even been spoken, and yet...

He does not break.

"Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom. "

-Isaiah 40:28

God reminded me, by breaking me, just how strong He is. God reminded me that as my love wears out, His never does. God reminded me that even as a youth, I will grow weary. He reminded me that He is my only source of power and strength. He showed me how deeply He loves us, even though we are disobedient.

I think I understand a little better why God would destroy whole cities for their disobedience. I think I understand a little better why His son had to come and get nails pushed through His skin. Disobedience causes pain. It is not just disappointing...it is devastating.

Last Wednesday I was broken and empty. I had nothing left to give...and yet the hope I held on to is that I know a God who will never meet His breaking point, because it simply doesn't exist. He is everlasting.

His love is amazing. I know I cannot fathom it and I will probably never understand the great deepness of His love. However, my prayer is that as each time He pushes me to love harder and deeper and at each new breaking point, I will get a little closer to understanding just how far He goes to love us.

Reflections on Valentine's Day...

I want to begin by saying, I am not a hater of valentines day. I think any holiday that is all about candy and wearing pink is alright with me. I know some people are really passionate about hating the day they so dearly call, "single awareness day"...but that is not what this post is about.

This valentine's day (p.s. I hate using the ' apostrophe...it is hard to type, so I am going to leave it off from now on. English teachers sue me... but I am just not into doing it, it is inconvenient.)

I spent the day with 100 teenagers. Yes, I work at Bryan High. The whole day was like a balloon/stuffed animal explosion/flower explosion. And it got me thinking...



who decided that those would be the things sold on valentines day? Did companies have to compete to try and get there product sold on valentines day? Like why don't we give lamps on valentines day? Or pencil sharpeners? Who got to decide that flowers, balloons, and stuffed animal companies would make it big on this day? And that is where I have to ask,




WHY STUFFED ANIMALS? Does any girl like to get that on valentines day? Like I am not judging, but I just wonder, is that anyone's greatest desire? I mean I have received two stuff animals before when I was in my younger, more stupid years, and I was like "seriously, what do I do with this?"


Flowers are pretty, and they die so you can throw them away...good gift.


Chocolate...always a good gift.


Even balloons...I mean it wouldn't be my first choice of gifts, but it will eventually deflate and then I will throw it away. So even if I don't care too much for balloons, eventually I won't have to see it anymore.


But stuffed animals never go away. And lets be honest, when I was 17 (and now for that matter) what use did I have for a stuffed animal?!?

And what gets me are the HUGE ones. (yep this one is 8 feet tall...and someone spent their hard earned money on this!)



It’s almost like diamond rings. The bigger the stuffed animal the more you love someone. But for me, the pleasure I receive from the stuffed animal greatly decreases once it hits a size that would take up a whole corner in my room. Literally, like maybe it brings pleasure in the moment, but when the girl gets home I have to think she asks herself, "what in the HECK do I do wit this now."
And that is just the thing...its all about show. It was about show when I was in high school and it’s about show now. I remember when I was dating a boy my junior year of high school and he came over the night before valentines day to give me my gift. He said he wanted to give it to me the night before so I didn't have to carry it around school. In my mind I am thinking, "THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING A BOYFRIEND ON VALENTINES DAY" but I couldn't very well tell him that, I didn't want to look superficial, but in my mind, I totally was.

The reason I know things haven't changed is because I had a girl tell it to me straight yesterday. I asked her who she got her bears from, and this is what she said...
"Well I got this pink one from my mom, because I didn't think I was going to have a valentine, so I asked her to buy me one so I could carry it around school...but then it turned out that this boy gave me one, so I had two."

That is right; this girl brought a bear FROM HOME to school...just to have something to carry around.
Now she is stuck with two stuffed animals that she has absolutely NO use for. Why stuffed animals? Why, WHY couldn’t we just be happy with the flowers and candy?
But I mean maybe I am the only girl who thinks this. Maybe every other girl gets great joy from receiving a stuffed animal. My question is, if other girls feel the same way as me, do we need to start a campaign to set the record straight so that guys stop wasting their money on crazy big stuffed animals...

what is the consensus? Any other thoughts on this highly commercialized holiday?