Divorce Rings

So today I was giving the ever pleasant TAKS test...so I actually had time to read the newspaper.


I read about the new developments in the CPS case versus the polygamists Mormon ranch in San Angelo, I read about bone chips found that could be the missing Prince Alexius from the Romanov family, and I read the always enjoyable comics.


Then I fell upon an article that was truly disturbing...


"Divorce Rings".




Yep, that's right, American jewelers are now marketing a ring to celebrate America's new favorite pastime, divorce.



Seriously, I think my blood pressure rose about 100 points (or whatever the units of blood pressure is) when I read this article. At first I thought this ring was so that people could be like WHOO HOO!! I got a divorce! That made me really angry, but the more I read I realized that was not what it was about. But in actuality, the more I learned and the more disturbed I got.

It turns out that the ring was first created by a woman who had been through a divorce and wanted a ring to signify her survival admits the deep pain of divorce. She wanted a ring to remind people there is hope.

Now I am all about hope. I love hope. I think every person has hope in every situation, but I only believe that because I believe Jesus Christ is our only hope and he came for everyone in every situation.



But this whole thing just shouldn't exist. God NEVER designed marriage to look this way. God never designed us to have to deal with the agony of a broken marriage. Marriage is suppose to look like Him and how He loves the church.



If you visit this website you will see that the first thing they did for every ring was break the symbol of the never ending circle. Marriage is symbolized by a ring because the bond was not designed to be broken. God did not design us to enter the intimate bond of marriage and then just break the bond whenever things got tough. That is not how His love is and it is not how we are suppose to represent his love through marriage. Divorce is painful and horrible because God never designed it to happen.



These people are JOKING themselves if they think that their ring can help "build self-esteem one person at a time", which is the company motto. The only thing that can build us up admits this kind of deep pain is the love from a father that is never ending.



It pains me that God has been so removed from marriage that we can think that we as people can put back the pieces of a devastating event on our own, through building self esteem.



It devastates me that these rings even have to exist. It pains me that 50% of people who say "I do" will know a some point the pain of "oh no, wait, I don't". It pains me that Christians will know this pain in the same rate that lost people do because our marriages look no different.



Seriously, this is one of the craziest things I have ever heard of! What do y'all think? Did you know these existed?



p.s. I am sorry that I have been such a blog slacker. I have a bimonthly blog updating goal, but I have failed april. April went by without a flash...

A little bit closer to Africa...

But, I am still 12,000 miles away. I didn't get any physically closer to Malawi...but Malawi got a little closer to me!

See my skirt? Isn't it beautiful?!? My studly boyfriend who is in Malawi stinkin HAD IT MADE FOR ME!! His lovely parents just brought it back with them. I just need to say...I am so blessed!

This amazing man picked the fabric out himself and had a wonderful Malawian woman make me a skirt! Who does that! Ryan Price...that is who!

This biggest miracle in all of this is that even though the lady did not have any measurements for me, the skirt still fits perfectly. Alright girls, let me get a witness...how hard is it for find FITTED clothes that fit you perfectly...so hard! I am telling you, I think something miraculous happened as this skirt traveled across the Atlantic ocean.

I love my skirt. This morning when I was getting ready for church, I just was giddy because I knew I was about to put it on. It makes me feel like Ryan is not so far away.

And on May 23rd, Ryan won't be far away anymore. That's right...in less than 2 months I can see him when I talk to him, I can call him at any time when I need directions somewhere, I can call him and ask him dumb questions like what does an acupunture do?, I can go grocery shopping with him, I can hear his fingers make beautiful piano music, and I can listen to all the things that go on in his heart. I can't wait.

I can't believe that God has already carried us through 7 months of separation and unified us all the while. I thought we would have some point that was really hard and I would feel really distant from him and I would doubt that this could even work...but it didn't happen.

Of course, I have missed him. I have had days that he doesn't seem real. I have had days that I just thought I couldn't make it one more day without hearing his voice. But those feelings usually only lasted a day or two. God always took care of me and constantly reminded me that He brought us together, and He would sustain us.

In the months before he left for Malawi, I just couldn't imagine how I was going to make it. When I would worry about it, God would just draw me to prayer. One thing he laid on my heart to pray was,

"God make this this sweetest part of our dating relationship." The first time I spoke those words, I laughed a little to myself. I thought, how in the world am I going to get to say this after 9 months of not seeing this amazing man? Am I really going to be able to tell people that this was the SWEETEST part of our dating relationship. But I will tell you...God has been faithful.

One thing that has always been a struggle for me in our relationship is being verbally affirmed. I don't know if any other girl out there has ever struggled with this...but I wanted to hear good things about me all the time.

I know, that sounds icky.

We don't like to say that outloud.

We like to mask this desire by saying, "my love language is words of affirmation", but what we really mean is, please tell me how amazing you think I am...I won't be happy until I hear that.

The most major thing God has freed me from during this time is verbal affirmation. In my mind, I thought this would maybe be the sweetest time because it would force Ryan to say everything outloud to me. I was getting ready to be verbally affirmed for 9 months.

Well, God had different plans for me. God started revealing a lot of sin and insecurity I had in my heart around October. He showed me that this need for Ryan to tell me how much he valued me came from my insecurity of wondering how much he liked me. I didn't trust God for that security. So as I was constantly asking Ryan to affirm me, it was never enough. God kept working on me, finally in December He slapped me in the face and showed me that the bottom line is that I feared man's approval about God's. He showed me how that made me foolish. And he showed me how destructive it was on my relationships in my life.

Finally, as I laid on my floor crying to the Lord, I told Him that I could not free myself from this. I needed the Lord's help. Of course there were some things I HAD to do. I had to be really honest with Ryan and with other people in my life that I was seeking affirmation from. I had to evaluate every email I sent Ryan and ask myself, "am I saying this self deprecating thing in hopes that he will reply back with some affirming thing?"

Women...we are master manipulators, and unless we are honest, we cannot be freed from manipulation. I think this may be one of the single hardest sins to find freedom from, because often our sisters cannot see it to call us out on it. It is all in our minds!

God was so good to bring freedom. Then everything Ryan ever said to me became 100 times sweeter because I didn't have this attitude of "oh good, he said exactly what I wanted him to say" or hurt of why hadn't he said this more often.

I had no idea that this was God's plan of how he was going to make this the sweetest part of our dating relationship. But what I love is that this was a WAY better way to answer that prayer, than what I had in mind. His ways are so much higher, and so much sweeter.

This is not the only thing that has made this time really sweet. Here is a quick list of a few:

1. Pretty much every morning (given his internet is functioning properly) I have an email in my inbox. Most people who wake up at 5:30 don't have emails in the inbox, but that is the beauty of Malawi being 7 hours ahead of us!
2.I have an Africa skirt...enough said.
3. I got to stinkin go to Africa...I mean that has always been a dream of mine, so pretty amazing that it has already come true.
4. All the physical temptation crap, is completey not an issue.
5. Just getting to hear his voice means so much more now. I hope for as long as I live, I will never take for granted getting to hear the sound of his voice.
6. God has taught me to trust Him and not circumstances to be the unifier of our hearts.

Now girls, I am not suggesting that you ship your boyfriends off to a far away land...and I hope Ryan doesn't think that just because it has been the sweetest time of our relationship thus far that I am not ready for him to come home...because I am...but I am thankful for the way the Lord has used this time.

And if you don't believe me about how much I miss him... here is some more evidence...



This is my humble attempted at spelling Ryan's name out...and just one more chance to show my skirt off!

Anyways, yay for African skirts and God's faithfulness. That is good stuff...and Ryan, I can't wait to show you the skirt in person!!

Breaking Point...

A week and a half ago I met my breaking point.

I didn't know he was there inside of me. But we were introduced on Wednesday, February 27th.

I didn't wake up that morning knowing that I would meet him...he just snuck up on me. When he stuck out his hand to introduce himself he took my composure, my patience, my smile, and my feeling of "I can do this".

A week and a half ago, God reminded me that I am human.

I "teach high school geometry"...that is my job title. That is what Bryan ISD tells the state I do and they give me a pay check twice a month for doing it. However, that is just a cover. My real job is that I am a person motivated by the love of Christ to love high school kids in hopes that they encounter Jesus in me.

I like to think that I am an undercover cop. It makes my job more exciting.

But like I said, I hit my breaking point about 2 weeks ago.

It wasn't one thing that broke me...it was a myriad of things. The disobedience I encounter on a daily basis was just too much on that Wednesday. I couldn't handle one more teenager ignoring my simple requests. I couldn't be patient as one more student refused to sit in their assigned seat. I couldn't handle one more student talking while I was talking. I couldn't handle one more attitude or an under the breath comment like, "I hate you" or a not so under the breath comment, "aww miss, you are annoying me!"

I broke down and cried after 3rd period...that's right, I am not ashamed to admit it, I cried. But not in front of the kids. By the end of 6th period, I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I just broke.

The day was hard. I was weary. I went home right after school and just cried with my roommates. That is when it hit me...

God doesn't have a breaking point. He was gracious to show me that all the disobedience I have experienced over the past 2 months...

He has seen it since the creation of man. He has seen people read His commands and ignore His simple requests. He has spoken truth to people only to get people talking right over Him, so they can't hear him. He has heard the most hurtful insults...He knows the insults that haven't even been spoken, and yet...

He does not break.

"Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom. "

-Isaiah 40:28

God reminded me, by breaking me, just how strong He is. God reminded me that as my love wears out, His never does. God reminded me that even as a youth, I will grow weary. He reminded me that He is my only source of power and strength. He showed me how deeply He loves us, even though we are disobedient.

I think I understand a little better why God would destroy whole cities for their disobedience. I think I understand a little better why His son had to come and get nails pushed through His skin. Disobedience causes pain. It is not just disappointing...it is devastating.

Last Wednesday I was broken and empty. I had nothing left to give...and yet the hope I held on to is that I know a God who will never meet His breaking point, because it simply doesn't exist. He is everlasting.

His love is amazing. I know I cannot fathom it and I will probably never understand the great deepness of His love. However, my prayer is that as each time He pushes me to love harder and deeper and at each new breaking point, I will get a little closer to understanding just how far He goes to love us.

Reflections on Valentine's Day...

I want to begin by saying, I am not a hater of valentines day. I think any holiday that is all about candy and wearing pink is alright with me. I know some people are really passionate about hating the day they so dearly call, "single awareness day"...but that is not what this post is about.

This valentine's day (p.s. I hate using the ' apostrophe...it is hard to type, so I am going to leave it off from now on. English teachers sue me... but I am just not into doing it, it is inconvenient.)

I spent the day with 100 teenagers. Yes, I work at Bryan High. The whole day was like a balloon/stuffed animal explosion/flower explosion. And it got me thinking...



who decided that those would be the things sold on valentines day? Did companies have to compete to try and get there product sold on valentines day? Like why don't we give lamps on valentines day? Or pencil sharpeners? Who got to decide that flowers, balloons, and stuffed animal companies would make it big on this day? And that is where I have to ask,




WHY STUFFED ANIMALS? Does any girl like to get that on valentines day? Like I am not judging, but I just wonder, is that anyone's greatest desire? I mean I have received two stuff animals before when I was in my younger, more stupid years, and I was like "seriously, what do I do with this?"


Flowers are pretty, and they die so you can throw them away...good gift.


Chocolate...always a good gift.


Even balloons...I mean it wouldn't be my first choice of gifts, but it will eventually deflate and then I will throw it away. So even if I don't care too much for balloons, eventually I won't have to see it anymore.


But stuffed animals never go away. And lets be honest, when I was 17 (and now for that matter) what use did I have for a stuffed animal?!?

And what gets me are the HUGE ones. (yep this one is 8 feet tall...and someone spent their hard earned money on this!)



It’s almost like diamond rings. The bigger the stuffed animal the more you love someone. But for me, the pleasure I receive from the stuffed animal greatly decreases once it hits a size that would take up a whole corner in my room. Literally, like maybe it brings pleasure in the moment, but when the girl gets home I have to think she asks herself, "what in the HECK do I do wit this now."
And that is just the thing...its all about show. It was about show when I was in high school and it’s about show now. I remember when I was dating a boy my junior year of high school and he came over the night before valentines day to give me my gift. He said he wanted to give it to me the night before so I didn't have to carry it around school. In my mind I am thinking, "THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING A BOYFRIEND ON VALENTINES DAY" but I couldn't very well tell him that, I didn't want to look superficial, but in my mind, I totally was.

The reason I know things haven't changed is because I had a girl tell it to me straight yesterday. I asked her who she got her bears from, and this is what she said...
"Well I got this pink one from my mom, because I didn't think I was going to have a valentine, so I asked her to buy me one so I could carry it around school...but then it turned out that this boy gave me one, so I had two."

That is right; this girl brought a bear FROM HOME to school...just to have something to carry around.
Now she is stuck with two stuffed animals that she has absolutely NO use for. Why stuffed animals? Why, WHY couldn’t we just be happy with the flowers and candy?
But I mean maybe I am the only girl who thinks this. Maybe every other girl gets great joy from receiving a stuffed animal. My question is, if other girls feel the same way as me, do we need to start a campaign to set the record straight so that guys stop wasting their money on crazy big stuffed animals...

what is the consensus? Any other thoughts on this highly commercialized holiday?

Celebrations...

I have had a wonderful weekend.

It was a weekend of happiness and celebrations. I added another year to my life and a dear friend added a diamond to her left hand. It was such a happy time full of memories, laughter, and excitement.

The weekend started Saturday morning when I got a call from Aggieland Florist. They were informing me that I had a delievery that they wanted to drop by. Though I was still in my pj's, I was happy to open the door for beautiful flowers.

There was a very sweet card enclosed letting me know that a very amazing man in Malawi was responsible for these beautiful things appearing at my door. It was such an amazing way to bless me from 12000 miles away.

I immediately got on the phone (and by immediately...i mean I am dealing with calling Africa so it takes me about 45 minutes to get through) and got to talk to the most amazing guy on this earth (This was the best part of my birthday I must say).

The rest of the day was pretty low key.

However, that night something exciting was happening. One of my close friends, Kelly Imrie was getting asked if she would spend the rest of her life with this amazing guy named Chris Haney. So at 3am I was woken up by this girl who squeled "I am engaged!" It was the best way to spend the 3am hour of my birthday! There is something so exciting about the engagement of two people who desire to follow the will of the Lord. I couldn't fall back to sleep for a while because I was just so happy.

The next time I woke up on my birthday morning, I actually got up and got ready for church. My next surprise was waiting in my inbox. There was this incredibly sweet poem written by the one and only Ryan Price. Now many of you think that playing piano and taking wonderful pictures are his only talents...but don't let him fool you. He is so gifted in the arts. The poem blessed me so much...and I will spare yall the mushyness and just let you create in your own minds an amazing poem!

Then I went off to church and got to spend the first 2 hours of my birthday with my amazing church family. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the morning of my birthday.

When I came home I found my house had been overtaken by pink streamers and ballons.

My sweet roomate had decorated while I was gone.

Later that day we made cakes for our "Celebration Night!" I say "we" because each of my roomates took a different part of the cake making process. Mixing, baking, icing, and decorating...it was a team effort! We made a birthday cake and a "Happy Engagement" cake.

It was so fun!

The night culiminated in the gathering of great friends. We ate together and all sat and listened to Kelly share the story of her knight in shining armor ask for her hand in marriage. It was so sweet to get to share this time together. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend of rejoicing in the blessings from the Lord.

Painting Pictures of Egypt...

Sara Groves has this really great song called, "Painting Pictures of Egypt" the chours goes like this:

"I've been painting pictures of Egypt,

leaving out what it lacked,

the future feels so hard, and I wanna go back,

but the places that used to fit me,

cannot hold the things I've learned,

and those roads are closed off too me while my back was turned."

This song resonnates in my soul. I am guilty of singing this tune too often in my life. I am always wishing I was somewhere else in life. I am like those silly Israelites that yearned for Egypt...the very thing they prayed for God to deliever them from.

That is me. I am guilty. The future feels so hard, and I wanna go back. This semester I started real life. You know that thing that you spend 4 solid years telling people you are going to do when you finish college...I am doing it.

Actually, I have been telling people that I am going to be a math teacher for like 6 years. Now I am a math teacher. Yeah...like a real life person with a paycheck and insurance and all that stuff. I have life insurance. gulp! seriously, I feel old.

While I was in college I longed for the days of no tests and no difficult math proofs. I longed to do something I cared about and something that mattered. I was so ready to graduate last may. but now...often I find myself painting pictures of the past...

(of course I mean that figuratively because have no artistic ability)

I find myself wanting to stay up late and take afternoon naps, I want to have a flexible schedule. I want free time. I know you college students are reading this thinking you have no free time...but it isn't true. If you can go to the grocery store between the hours of 8-5..you have free time.

So I have a problem. Its a huge problem. It is called discontentment...and it is not okay. I have to fight the thoughts inside of me that "if I could just be there...then it would be easier." I have to fight the thoughts of "I wish I was her...she has it good". I am discontent. That is not pleasing to the Lord.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

-1 Timothy 6:6-8

Godliness with contentment is great gain...wow. That is a verse I could sit on for a long time. I want to know that great gain. Then I love how verse 8 says, if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that...we will.

Not: we should or you better be or we might be, but WE WILL. God is telling us to be content all we need is food and clothing.

I have food.

I have clothing.

God's word says I will be content. Thus I am living a lie by not being content. I need to live by truth.

I need to start painting pictures of Bryan High because this is where I am, and I am not going back.

Back Home in My 7 Exit Town!

I'M BACK HOME!! It feels so good.

Today I was driving on my beloved highway 6 and I saw the sign, "College Station, next 7 exits". I love that this town has 7 exits. I love that there is one highway that runs through here.

I love that we have a "rush half hour". I love that no place takes more than 20 minutes to get to. I love how every time I come back some new place has popped up...and I realize it because I know about every store and restaurant in this town. It's so good to be home.

Now of course what I really love about this town is my amazing church, but those are just a couple of the other things I love. You see I didn't grow up in a 7 exit town. We have about 3 times that many highways, let alone a killizon amount of exits. So I appreciate the "small" town life of college station.

One of the best parts about being back is that I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be. I have been waiting to write a blog entry on this until my job became offical, and then I was in Africa, and then I was in Colorado, so I am just now sitting down to get this baby out.

So as I was finishing up my last semester of my senior year, last april/may, I was also concluding my time in the Her Hands class. On the last night, Heather shared with us the challenge to really ask the Lord where He wanted us to go in our future, rather than just picking up and leaving this town because it is what everyone else does. I knew that I had one more semester here anyways because I was student teaching. But I knew that after that I did not have plans.

Heather expressed to us how blessed we were to live in a town that had a church that preached truth and had believers that cared about mentoring. I knew she was right. Living Hope has been one of the most tremendous blessings in my walk with Christ that I can't imagine leaving it.

So I started praying. I knew that my parents would want me to get a job when I finished student teaching. And with all the lessons I have learned, I would be a fool not to follow their advice. I was pretty sure that me being a math teacher I could find a job in December in a big town...but I wasn't so sure about finding a job here in the 7 exit city.

But I also knew 2 truths.

God desires us to know truth and to live in a body of authentic believers.

God knows how to give his children gifts. (Matthew 7:9-11)

So I just kept on praying for a job. All semester as I was student teaching at Bryan High School I prayed for a job. Some days I didn't think about it. Some days it was heavy on my heart. Some days I would have faith that I would be here in January, and some days I doubted that that was God's will.

I asked my hope group to pray. I asked my friends to pray. I know the power of prayer, and God kept my faith that He was in control.

So then came my last week of student teaching.

At this point I knew that Bryan would hire me to be a substitute, but my parents weren't crazy about that. They wanted me to have a full-time job.

That Wednesday night in hope group I just begged them to pray for me to get a full time job here. I was so desparate to remain here, but I knew I had to have a job to live under the submission of my parents. I started considering that maybe this is not where the Lord wanted me to be. Maybe my desires were different than His. So as I was praying for a job I started to ask God to make my heart desire leaving here.

Then Thursday night came. The night before my last day of student teaching, still no jobs available at Bryan High or College Station High School. I spoke to my parents on the phone and they said that I needed to work over Thanksgiving break to find a job in Dallas since I couldn't find one here.

I got off the phone and I was devasted. I just didn't want to leave. I couldn't understand why God wanted me to leave this place of ministry and community. So the only thing I knew to do was to pray. Pray hard. And to ask other believers to pray for me. I sent out some emails that night and just asked His people to pray. I also asked them to pray that my heart would change about going to Dallas if that was His will.

It was amazing, Friday morning I woke up and I felt completely different. My heart was ready to move where ever the Lord wanted me. His joy replaced my doubt and saddness.

So I went to school. I was emotional about my last day and leaving my kids, so I wasn't thinking too much about anything more than that. About mid-morning an administrator came in with our math coordinator and said,

"Sara, we really want you to teach here next semester."

I replied, "well, so do I, but you don't have a position available"

She then said, "Well, we have created a position for you. It would be a full-time teaching job will all the benefits and everything. Would you like to accept?"

I seriously almost fell out of my chair. I was speechless. Then the math coordinator just talked about how she new this is where I needed to be and they were so excited that they could create this position.

I was stunned. Great is His faithfulness. Great is His desire for us to live in a community of believers. Great is our blessings when we submit to the Lord and our authority. Great is His provision if we will only trust Him. Great is His love for His children.

So of course I accepted, and I am set to start this amazing job Monday January 7th. I could not be more excited.

I want to thank my dear brothers and sisters who partnered with me in prayer and rejoiced with me as we saw the Lord be faithful. Most of all, I am thankful to the Lord for His great love in which He constantly desires to grow our faith.

Praise God for bringing me back to my 7 exit town!