The Eye Doctor

Today I went to the eye doctor.

It's not my first experience. I have been going since I was in sixth grade. The first time I went to the eye doctor I almost passed out from the stress. They don't call it an eye EXAM for no reason. It's a stinkin test...and you pay for it! So the first time I went, I SOO didnt want my eyes to be bad. I was so nervous when the lady asked me to read the letters. I didnt want to be wrong. I didnt want to disappoint her.

...But I was wrong. I had to get glasses. That meant I had to keep going to the eye doctor and take this "exam" every year. i thought I was going to get uclers.

So every time I went to the eye doctor a wave of nervousness came over me. I hated hearing that my eyes got worse. I hated putting my eye up to a machine and the lady saying, "don't blink" knowing you were about to get a puff of air in your eye. You see the PURPOSE of blinking is to keep stuff like that out. God designed our eyes so that we would blink in those situations. So basically she is asking you to go against your natural design...its just not right.

But I dont have glacoma...so that is a positive.

Another point of stress is the peripheral vision test. You have to stare at this black square and hit a button every time you see a flicker on the machine. I get so scared that I am going to miss a flicker if I blink and they will think I can see out of my peripheries, so I sit there keeping my eye's plastered open, so they dry out, get blurry and then I get worried that I can't distinguish the blurry from the flicker. I am pretty sure I must have failed this before, but they probably have just not wanted to brake the news to me...

One visit I asked the doctor, "so you know how perfect eyes are 20/20, what are my eyes?" He looked at me and said, "Sara, our machines only measure up to 20/800, meaning that what normal people can read at 800 ft away, you would have to stand 20 ft away...well your eyes are worse than that. We cant really measure where you are at...you are off the charts.

And while being "off the charts" is all well and good when you are talking about IQ, its really not a claim to fame at the eye doctor.

So after that visit i decided I didnt need to worry about reading the letters correctly off the chart.

But for some reason, even though I was basically blind the nurse lady still made me take off my glasses and try to read the chart. She would put one row up on the screen and ask me to say it. I would kindly tell her, "I can't even see letters". Then she would put the biggest thing they had and ask me to read it. In my mind I am thinking "remember now I am trying to basically reading a sign that is 800 feet a way...why is she making me do this!" I am blind! I admit it! Please just dont make me read these letters! So anything she put up there I would tell her, "i am sorry, I cant read that."

...her response..."REALLY?!?" I thought to myself, hey I am putting food on your table with these eyes...I would be a little kinder to them!

But now they don't make me do this anymore. Heck, they don't even let me walk by myself without my glasses anymore. Which is a good thing, because after the nurse led me out of the room today, I almost sat on a man's lap because I couldn't tell that there was someone sitting there until I got right up close to him...whoa it was almost bad!

The one glimer of hope in all of this is my pupils. For some reason, God has giving me supernatural amazing pupils. Some people are star athletes, some people are world-renown cooks, I on the other hand have no-need-to-be-dialated-pupils. According to my doctor, my pupils are so big that he can easily see into my eyes. A couple years ago, he told me I had large pupils so instead of dialating every two years on me, he would do every 3 years. This year as he is looking into my eyes (in a completely unromantic sort of way) he exclaims, "Man your pupils are amazing! I can see so well! I might never need to dialate you again!" so right then I decided that the next time I am sitting in a circle and someone asks the question, "what is on interesting fact about you" I am going to tell them, "i have extremely large pupils." That should be a crowd pleaser!

So aside from the puff of air, the stressful test, and the periphery test that makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out...I learned that I have a unique pupil gift...and that is enough peace of mind to keep me going back to the eye doctor!

God Provides on Highway 45...

So last weekend…(yes I realize this is an outdated post, but my life has been crazy busy since then) I was driving back to Dallas when I hit a really LARGE pot hole! It was horrible! I was talking to my parents on the phone and they heard the noise! Apparently, according to my very wise father, all this rain has been tearing up our roads…another reason we should boycott all the rain we are getting this summer.

So nothing noticeably happened that effected my car's driving performance, but I decided to pull off the road just in case to check it out.

Basically, I started praying right away that nothing was wrong with my tire.

There were two major reasons I did not want my tire to be flat.

First of all…I can barely bench press a loaf of bread let alone get those tire screw thingys off when you have to remove the flat (yep…that IS the technical name for them!)

You see I do technically "know" how to change a tire. My daddy gave me a lesson when I turned 16 so I wouldn’t be one of those helpless little girls on the side of the highway, but unfortunately education cannot remedy the weak muscles of my little body. So alas, I am one of those helpless girls on the side of the highway…(this is why God's provision is so amazing!)

Second, I needed to get home in a timely manner because I was house sitting a person's house that night and it was already late. I needed my tire to be okay.

Alas, when I stopped in a very shady Texaco in who knows where I was, my tire was leaking air. You know it’s a bad sign when you hear a hissing of air leaking out.

The hissing sound was definitely mocking me…probably because it knew there was no way I was going to change that tire.

My first plan of action was to try "fix a flat". This is a lovely can of air that seals holes in your tire. The only problem was that the pot hole had dented the rim of my tire so I was unsure if fix a flat was going to work. But I was so desperate not to have to change my tire I wanted to be extra hopeful.

So I filled up Mr. Hissing Leak and drove about 10 miles down the road. I decided to get off in Corsicana because I knew I would have more options. For those 10 miles I was just praying that God would miraculously hold my tire together for the remainder of my way home.

So I get off the road and turn into a gas station that has a wendy's. If I am going to have to change a tire, I am going to need a frosty to do it! Anyways, just as I turn in I see this guy walking his dog. He is none other than a guy who grew up with me at my church back in carrollton. Not only is he one of the nicest guys I know…he is also an eagle scout. Those boys live for these moments of doing things like changing a tire. I could not believe it! God had brought me a tire changer!! I hopped out of my car and told him, "boy am I glad to see you!" I told him about the tire and sure enough… fix a flat had NOT done its job… it was still hissing…

This time not mocking me, because I had an EAGLE SCOUT in my midst! My friend Colby, just happened to be on his way back to Houston and he was stopping to let his dog out. Praise God that he led both of us to the same exact gas station at the same exact time! The only way that could ever happen is with God being in charge! I just marvel at how completely sovereign God is!! WOW!!

So maybe God didn't miraculously fix my tire with fix a flat, but he miraculously provided me a way home.

God answers prayers…not always exactly what we ask for, but in a way that is INCREDIBLY more amazing than I could have ever imagined.

God provided on highway 45! (it almost rhymes!)

As good as gold…actually better…

So I love my church, Living Hope. I love it because it is filled with members who just PASS out GOLD!!

Now before you people who call yourselves “poor” college students drop everything and make your way down highway 6 to think you are about to get some free money, let me tell you what I am talking about.

“How much better it is to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen above silver.” –Proverbs 16:16

Wisdom is better than gold. Wow. Until this year I didn’t know about this amazing thing called wisdom. I knew that the Bible had wisdom, but I didn’t realize I was missing so much wisdom by not listening to people that had gone before me. I never knew what a rich blessing it was to sit down and listen to the ugly crap people have had to go through because they did not listen to the word of God, and have them look at you in the eye and say, “you don’t have to live in that crap, you don’t have to rebel.”

But until this semester all I wanted to do was rebel. Let me set you straight…I am not an outward rebel. I hate when people yell it me, I hate doing things that will disappoint other people, I hate the feeling of the moment you are caught doing something you shouldn’t. So I try to avoid that by just following the rules. You see I was a quiet rebel…that is why it was so hard for me to discover it!

But there are some areas…where I just didn’t want to take the gold from my elders. Dating, obeying and honoring my parents, gossip, confronting my fellow sisters in sin…I mean the list could go on. When people talked to me about these areas in my life I would spend half the time not listening and thinking of why whatever they were saying didn’t apply to me. But the beauty about my church is that God used bold people to just keep on talking even as I tried to shut them out.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” -Proverbs 1:7

It is foolish to disregard the wisdom of others. FOOLISH! That is a powerful word. But God says that it is better than gold to get wisdom. I am thankful for the class Her Hand and for Heather and Jenn who started me on this process. I am thankful that Aaron posts videos online of people’s testimonies of our church so that as I am away from our body…I can still get this GOLD! I have never been so thankful for the internet!!

I can never repay Butch and Michelle, Eric and Wendy, Heather and Aaron, and Cindy and Ken for getting up in front of our church and telling of the Lord’s power and just handing out that gold to our body. A church that is built on confession and teaching truth is a church that I want to be a part of. Keep being awesome you Titus 2 men and women! You are a blessing!

Automatic Toilets and Preferred stalls...

I realize whoa...I haven't posted in a while and then BAM! TWO posts!

I know, its crazy, but I just had to write more.

So, I work 40 hours a week in a health insurance company. Praise God for this job. It is a blessing that He is providing me money that I can use to live in college station next semester and student teach. I am really excited!

So the thing about this job is that it doesn't require a lot of movement. I sit at a cubical for most of the day...except when I either really have to go to the bathroom or I just get so antsy that I go to the bathroom and try to squeeze any pee out of me that can make the bathroom trip valid.

So in a given day, I probably take 6 trips to the bathroom...that gives me a lot of time to think. You see these bathrooms have automatic toilets. This invention is just funny to me. Why did we decide this was a device we needed to automate. Why didn't we first automate a sandwich maker or a dog poo picker upper...those are two things I would like automated BEFORE I would like to have a toilet automatic.

These toilets just stress me out!! First of all, they either flush too much or not enough. I hate when you are wiping and the toilet flushes...and then flushes again...and you feel bad because we are just now getting out of a drought! What if my 6 bathroom visits push us back into a drought?!? I also think about the children in Ethiopia who don't have enough to drink, and I just wasted another 7 gallons with my automatic toilet! It's very depressing!

Then there is the problem of not flushing when you want them to. There is just something about my waste that I dont want other people looking at it. So I stand there and wave my hand over the little sensor...but nothing happens. So I have to leave my pee...it just stays there and hangs out. So maybe there are enough times that it doesnt flush and people come and plop down on the seat, pee, and then it doesnt flush for them either. I guess I got my 7 gallons back...

But really, toilet inventors...I didnt mind using my foot to push the handle and flush the toilet. I would welcome the chance to lift my leg a little (it would be the most exercise I would have all day!) to make my pee go down with just the right amount of water. I really wouldn't mind at all. I am thinking about writing the toilet makers of America and asking them if they wouldn't mind ending world hunger before making another object automatic that simply doesn't need to be.

Second public bathroom thought:Is it just me or does everyone have a preferred stall or urinal (for the boys) that they use? You see I always go into the second stall...unless I am in the SCC, then for some reason I use the first, I dont really know why I am different there, but I have just always had a weird affinity to the first stall in that bathroom.

Anyways, my preferred stall is the second. I had a theory that everyone used the first stall so the second would be more clean. I am not really sure if that is true...that is part of me wanting to take this poll. I really just love the second stall.

I go in it every one of my six trips to the bathroom daily. Even though this means I have to read the same paper that is on that stall every time.

I checked the other stalls, they have different papers...

but I wont ever get to read them because they aren't in the second stall...

All around the world, I am loyal to my second stall (besides the exception previously discussed) When I was in East Asia last summer, I went in the second stall.

(Picture of a China Toilet)

I don't know what it is...am I alone in my stall preference? Are there others of you out there with stall preferences? I really need to know...I hope I am not alone!

Well that is all...just something to think about the next time you use a public restroom!

This will be the summer of refinement…

First of all, I am sorry I have not posted in a while…I am a slacker, but I was having problems the last couple of days logging on…so that is my recent excuse…no former excuse here…

Task one: Unwholesome Talk

This will be a summer of purification. This will be a summer of refinement. Am I on a mission trip? No. Am I a stranger in an unknown land? No. Am I being pushed out of my comfort zone? No. I am home, living with my family and working 40 hours a week at a health insurance company. And yet I feel like it’s my biggest test yet.

“And I will bring the third part through the fire, Refine them as silver is refined. And test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will answer them: I will say ‘They are my people, and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.” -Zechariah 13:9

For the last four years He has been sculpting me. He has been growing my faith. He has been bringing the dark lies that I believed to light. Last summer He asked me to go spread His gospel to a dark world, East Asia. This summer He asked me to walk through fire, daily, hourly, minutely (I am not real sure if that is a word!)

First thing I learned: my pride isn’t the only thing that is hindering my relationships. One of the most influential verses I learned last year was:

“Pride leads to arguments; those who take advise are wise.” –Proverbs 13:10

Last year, I was having a lot of arguments with my mom and then…He whips out proverbs to show me that is was because of MY pride…but that was last semester. So I come home this summer praying desperately for God to humble me…but He shows me its not just about my pride…

Go figure, my sin is way more complex! When I live in college station, surrounded by the friends I have chosen I feel like a kind, loving person. I am sarcastic about myself and others, but my friends love it…they laugh, I feel good about myself…and yet, it is unwholesome. But I never knew it was unwholesome until May 28th rolled around.

I was camping with my family and I said something about something we had looking like “white trash”. Go figure…that hurt my mom’s feelings. Why shouldn’t it? That is a mean thing to say. However, if I was with my friends they would have laughed it off, knowing that I loved them and I didn’t mean what I said. My mom didn’t laugh it off. She confronted me. As my mom is confronting me, my flesh wants to get upset and say, “geez it was just a joke.” But then the Holy Spirit starts His work in me, and speaks this verse over me,

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
-Ephesians 4:29

Before this moment, I thought my mouth was cleansed of unwholesome talk. I thought that was only concerning sexual and crude jokes…which He had done a lot of changing in me my freshmen year. I thought I was done. I thought I was purified in that area. He said no. He said, “Sara, I am no longer letting you get away with this. I have brought you home this summer to bring you into a very hot fire. I have many areas to show you where thus far your fire has only been lukewarm. Your friends are only a lukewarm fire in the area of unwholesome talk.”

So refinement area one: Unwholesome talk...there isn't a check mark next to this because He's not finished.

Crawfish bowl...

Today I had a new experience...

I attended a crawfish boil. One of my favorite things to do in life is to do something I have never done before. It's like an adrenaline rush. You just never know what it is going to be like.

I like trying new thing with a mixture of people who have done the thing before and people who have also never had the experience before. I like the people that are experts to educate me and make the experience truly educational, and I like the people who are newbies because their facial expressions are priceless.

So today, I went to a crawfish boil. Ryan is 76.56 % Cajun so needless to say, he has been to a few crawfish boils in his life. HE LOVES CRAWFISH. (Which is another thing I like to have when I am experiencing something new: a person who LOVES what you are about to do...i just love when people are passionate about random things)

So this is what I learned from my expert teacher: Right before you boil the crawfish...THEY ARE ALIVE!! I never knew that! I am a city girl and really naive to a lot of these things. Ryan told me this fact so nonchalantly, like he had just said "when you mix red and yellow, you get orange". Anyways, this thought of their way of death HORRIFIED ME! I don't know why this horrified me so, I think its because my greatest fear is to die drowning. Now drowning in boiling hot water is pretty much the worst thing ever. You know when people ask you that question "would you rather burn to death or drown to death" I always say burn...but think drowning in boiling water is kinda like those two methods combined! It has to be horrible for them! Those poor little crawfish...

However, this sad thought of how they die did not keep me from eating them. Let me tell you...those poor little boiled crawmen were tasty!! I LOVED it!

For those who are like me and have never been to a crawfish boil, you need to try it! There is a science to opening a crawfish...Ryan and my friend Juliette, the girl who put on the boil, were very patient teachers! I am not a pro, but i am hoping I will get more practice later!

So during this "opening process" your hands get extremely messy. I enjoy getting messy so I liked this part. There is another benefit to the messy hands that Ryan brought to my attention. He said, "When you are at a crawfish boil, you are all there. If your cell phone rings, you can't answer it because you can't get it out of your pocket or open the phone" Really that is a beautiful thought! There are few things in life that we are all there for. It is wonderful to give your total attention to the group of people you are with. Some days I just want to go back to the life before cell phones...just for a minute...ahh feel the relaxation!!

So with all that being said: great food, messy hands, a great group of people, spending time outdoors, being all there...I give my first crawfish boil an "A plus" and look forward to repeat experiences!!

test Me now in this...

I can't get Malachi 3:10 off my mind...

I know what you are thinking, not the typical verse to have running through your mind. Its kinda like saying I have Leviticus 4:19 on the mind, but really the book is amazing!

You should stop and read it right now if you never have! (its only four chapters, one of those books that makes you feel real accomplished because you can read it in like 20 minutes, and then you are like, hey I just read a whole book of the Bible..in the unboastful sort of way of course!)

Anyways, Malachi 3:10 says "Bring the WHOLE tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this," says the Lord of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven, and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows."

WOW! Did yall know that was in this Book! I feel like God is just constantly putting in front of me pictures of the sacrifices He desires. I emphasized WHOLE because God doesn't want a part of your offering, He wants the whole. He doesn't want part of your life, He wants the whole. God is a total kinda God.

For those of you who were at breakaway the week Ben talked about Cain and Able know that God also desires our sacrifices to be our first fruits. I have been challenged to ask the Lord what are my "first fruits"? He has shown me that praying at night right before I get in bed, after I have checked my email 3 times, made sure I don't have a message on facebook, checked the blogs for new posts, washed my face, brushed my teeth, talked to my roommate, and checked the weather for tomorrow is not my first fruits. When I put Him behind all those frivolous things, that is giving him the wimpy vegetables. I am giving Him the bruised apples. But I have also learned that "first" doesn't mean the first thing you do in a day. I used to try and do my quiet time first thing when I got up...I thought that was my first fruit, but again sleep was conquering me. I was like "Lord...what is wrong, I am trying to sacrifice for you." Then He showed me if I would just take a shower first I would be so ready to meet with Him. My first fruits then were when I was most attentive and awake enough to hear from His Spirit.

Its not just about sacrificing our time...i mean as an extremely wealthy compared to others but think I am "poor" college student I would much rather give God my time than to sacrifice my money. But I think this Malachi verse is specifically talking about our things. I mean it could apply to a multitude of things, but it has really convicted me about money. God says bring the whole tithe into my house and TEST ME...see if I don't provide for you! This is the one time in the Bible God asks us to test Him. He is begging us to just test Him in our giving. We should not be scared to bring the first fruits and whole sacrifice, we should desire to test him in this.

The reason we should not be scared is that God says He will open the windows of heaven and pour out blessing...WHOA...that's a lot better than opening the window at McDonald's drive thru and having them pour out your food on you...God wants to open the windows of heaven! Do we not get to see the windows of heaven because we would rather rely on ourselves and settle for the McDonald windows?

I dont know about yall but I would much rather see the windows of heaven open than this drive thru window open with a woman in a visor reeking of french fries smell asking you if you want ketchup to go with your fries. It just blows me away that our God is a God would desires to open up blessing for us. He does not ask us to give of these sacrifices so we can be empty handed and live without. He is desperately crying out to us to test Him to see the kind of blessings we can only see when we give in such a way that we cant rely on ourselves to provide. I know I have a lot to learn about sacrifice. I am still holding on to part...I have a hard time giving the whole, I still give Him the extra fruit I have lying around, but God is at work. And I hope to one day live in the freedom of constant dependence on Him testing Him in my giving. He is worthy of that test...